I feel the need to explain...

...my blog title.

Well, if you know me at all, you would know that I have a serious infatuation with a little band called Dashboard Confessional. For some reason those boys just do the trick for me every time and have marked major moments and events in my life.
I'm a biiiiig memory attacher, to anything really...smells, certain clothes, songs, places, sounds... I attach. I don't feel this is unusual, I actually kind of like it about myself. It's like I give myself dejavu on purpose, little flags in my mind of things I enjoyed previously...hmm, yes.

Moving on, my blog title. There have been many a days, like today, when I just put on Dashboard, sit on my bed or outside, with my journal and a pen and just think, let it sink, and respond. There is a particular song, The Best Deceptions, that was inspirational enough at the time to redeem the honor of titling this little chunk of cyberspace that I call my own.

I guess it just struck a cord in me to break out, speak out and act out. The best line, hands down is "Don't you see, don't you see that the charade is over? And all the best deceptions and the clever cover story awards go to you." I guess it just woke me up a little bit, dusted off my consciousness and kicked it into gear. Its actually what got me thinking about starting to blog. DB is pretty inspirational like that (the crazy passion in his voice helped a bit as well). It has a way of pinching my heart and waking it up long enough to realize I've been standing still too long, and that I need to move.

I suppose the best way to put it is that in my life, the charade is over... and its time to be real. Which is the type of thing I will try to convey through this blog.
So, now you know.

Feast your eyes...and mind.

One of my favorite gifts this Christmas was from my sister and brother in law, A Lifetime of Secrets by Frank Warren.

In this book lies the most intimate secrets of hundreds of anonymous postcards that were sent in, and compiled into this profound and thoughtprovoking piece of literature.

Its the ultimate coffee table book and I get so inspired and touched every time my eyes glaze over the creative and raw images and thoughts. I would highly encourage you to pick up a copy or at least browse it the next time you find yourself in a bookstore.

It's weird, I feel a sense of invasion of privacy while reading it. I am discovering hundreds of secrets that have been kept deep inside the hearts of so many strangers. I feel oddly close to them because by them revealing just one secret, I feel as if I've been let into their life, just a little.

home sweet stinkin home...

Oh heavens, being home is (gonna sound cliche) marvelousss.
I have done nothing but had coffee, family and friend love time, and a constant state of the shivers for the entirety of the two days I've been home. And if this is any indication of what the rest of my break is going to consist of, I would not at ALL be opposed to that.

I got to hold and play with my ridiculously fantastic nephew as he fell asleep in my arms while the whole fam and I ate cookies and watched the original Miracle on 34th Street.

Legitimately perfection.

My room is already a disaster and I havn't even been here long enough for it to even feel lived in yet. My clothes are already scattered about in every possible corner and available surface. I already leave things in different rooms an forget to pick them up for hours on end. I already have about 5 dishes in the sink and am out of face wash. I love being home, I am always truly and completely comfortable here.

Let the festivities begin...Christmas is around the cornerrrr :)

"My business is to create"

"All I know is that if you don't figure out something, you'll just stay ordinary.
And it doesn't matter if its a work of art, or a taco or a pair of socks, just create something new. And there it is, and its you, outside of you and in the world. And you can look at it, or hear it, or read it, or feel it and you know a little bit more about you, a little bit more than anybody else does."

Oh, P.S. I Love You...you get me every time. Last night in a serious after finals crash and burn session, which included chocolate eating, The OC (season 4) watching and sweatpants...I was really struck by this quote. Maybe its the fact that I have been overworked and undersleeped lately, but this made a lot of since to me and resonated in my little growing artist's heart.

This part of the movie is when she is in Ireland, wandering around in this beautiful countryside and then just spills her heart out to a total (attractive) stranger and is word-vomiting all over the place. She reminded me a lot of myslef. Overexpressive, colorful, loud, wordy, and a little lost. It was oddly comforting when I heard the lines above because I've been feeling a little uneasy about art these days. I feel like almost every day I question if it's right for me. But it helped to have some encouragement from the Lord, even if it was through a cheesy but awesome chick flick, God knows me well, and knows exactly what to use to reach me...he's super clever.

Well, this is my last blog of the semester...I am now a second semester college sophomore. When did that happen? God has been so good to me these past few months and has guided me and changed me in ways I had no idea were possible. I feel blessed to be where I am, and to have the experiences and life lessons that I'm having and learning. And even though the details may be a bit fuzzy, both now and in the future, I know that God is soverign and has a way better plan than I do. I'm on board.

Now, I'm gonna make a playlist or two, pack (almost) all my earthly belongings in the back of my jeep and make the long trek home. Please be praying for safe travels with all this pre-white Christmas business.