twentyeleven

happy next year of life my fine friends!

may you be both silly & wise in twentyeleven.

why BBC always wins my vote...

i don't even care that this is stupid. it gets me e v e r y time.

woah.

hmmm.... i'm a happy girl right now. 

for reasons soon to be explained.

i always forget

i love being home, but every time i come back i seem to forget that i do.

i love the cold, the rain, the light traffic, the nostalgia of familiar street signs and landmarks, the autopilot that turns on in my mind, the smell of my house, the love from my family, the habits that return, the atmosphere that i seamlessly slip back into, the fact that i can't go anywhere without seeing someone that i know, the chill in the air, the leaves on the ground and the feeling of belonging.

i will always love this place, simply because its been my home for so many years and has become such an important part of who i am now.

and im soaking as much of it up as i possibly can because after this spring, i don't know where i will call my home. i just hope wherever that is, i will never disregard how much i love my hometown, and how much i'll miss it when i have to grow up and move on.

don't mean to get so sentimental, but thats just what this place does to me. mmmm.

i did it.

finals week... over.

can't believe i actually got everything done, on time and done well - for the most part.
praise jesus.

now comes the part i'm not so good at, slowing down.
the two things i'm worst at are resting and spending time alone.
both of which i will be doing a lot of this week.

i've decided to take this week to rest, reflect, and hang out with as many friends as i can before heading home for break. because this time next semester i will be packing up and shipping out. weird, im just not ready for that yet.

and now is the time of year (both academic and calendar) i get overly sentimental and need all the personal friendship connections i can get! ergo, the 4 extra days to stick around.

after lost of end of ze semester celebrating with pals, ill head up to san francisco to play and see my dearest brooke, then i'm homeward bound.

still can't believe its the middle of december and time to go home. dang.

poison & wine

this song is the most beautiful thing i've heard in weeks.
(and no, i didn't not discover it on grey's anatomy)

yikes

sometimes things are hard, just because they're hard.
not because of something i could have done differently or because i was in the wrong place at the wrong time.. just because it in itself is difficult.

this week i experienced a new kind of hard.
i was stretched in every way possible.
i didn't go to sleep before 4am all week... & straight up just didn't sleep at yesterday.
i had every minute of my day written down, underlined, post-it noted and crossed out.
i spent literally 90% my day in front of a computer screen.
i've had not only overwhelming projects to conquer at school, but also had daily shoots at work to edit and post.
i've had a headache pretty much solid since sunday afternoon.
i had my senior show concept demolished, now left to start from nothing all over again.

this. week. was. hard.

but somehow, this week was great.

i got overwhelmingly high praise from my boss. which i was not expecting.
i logged some quality time with my beloved friends in the art lab, who were also getting murdered by their schedules.
i got great feedback on my commercial portfolio as well as my hefty semester long project.
i felt the love and support of those i care about most in this time of craziness and disappointments.
i realized that i'm human, and suck at most things, and that it's ok to be weak and let people help you.

pretty sure this was the most difficult week of my academic career.
even my eyelashes are tired.

don't mean to whine, just gotta get it out somehow.

now on to a restful weekend and two more finals on monday. then its ciao fall 2010. and hello christmas break & I T A L Y. crazy.

timeout.

it never fails.

i overbook//overstress//overcommit//overanalyze//& overwhelm myself during the last leg of the semester. i never take time to sit and relax.

n e v e r fails.

in addition to the stress of school-work-church-friends-events-life there is a chapel requirement. like most other biola students, i put off and cram like a Catholic at daily mass towards the end because we slacked off for most of the semester.

today there was a chapel called Sabbathing which is three hours long = 3 chapel credits. an obvious score.

i'd gone to Sabbathings before and they were fine, a little over an hour of quiet reflection followed by group reflection, debreif, scripture and prayer. that's fine, that's nice.

but today it was g r e a t.
my tired & jumbled little self really really needed it.
even though the first 20 minutes of the hour i was going through a mental checklist of all the other things i had to do, or could be doing instead of sitting in silence... when do i ever sit down for more than 10 minutes without feeling rushed/guilty i'm not being productive/ or stressed? God broke me & my schedule today.

i realized, again, that i put myself in a cycle of over-productivity followed by overstimulation, followed by overwhelming stress.
God busted that wide open today. halle to the lujah.

"Fear not for I have redeemed you; 

I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; 

and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; 

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, 

and the flames shall not consume you.

For I am the Lord your God, 

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, 

I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.

Fear not, for I am with you."

Isaiah 43:1-5

i am just one person, trying to do a million things by myself... no wonder i can't seem to manage. i hate being by myself, i need interaction and i need people.
so why do i choose to do everything by myself instead of asking for help or strength?
who knows. but i keep doing it, its stupid.

all i know is i just pressed a restart button on my semester. my l a s t fall semester.
its go time.
i'm gonna make it.
thanks Jesus.

struggs.

just spent the last 11 hours in the airport. 10am - 9pm. flight delayed, then delayed, then delayed, then cancelled. at one point the plane i was supposed to get on, once it was in the air, it turned a r o u n d. what? really? yes. madness.

11 hours, 2 diet cokes, lots of photoshop, and 3 free "oops, we're sorry" pieces of pizza later. i am still in medford, oregon. and it is no longer thanksgiving break.
this is silly/stressful/tiring/reallynothelpfulatall.

ok, i just needed to get it out.
i'm done whining now, i think.

fingers crossed that wind shileds on planes don't crack tomorrow and don't need to be teased and repaired for 11 hours.

(also fingers crossed that the completely dreamy man in the leather jacket is on the flight tomorrow. i could smell his armani from 5 feet away. yeah, that good. i may or may not have been in the same room with him for too long. only time will tell)

why thanksgiving was great

thanksgiving was great because...

right when i walked off the plane i saw snow on the ground. ptl.

i closed my moleskin planner at baggage claim and didn't crack it once till monday.

i did 4 photo shoots. yeah. f o u r. (both great & grueling)

i got to wear scarves, boots, jackets and socks. everyday. mmm.

i logged copious amounts of nephew cuddling, family love time and friend fun.

i was freezing for a whole week (literally, our heater broke), and loved it.

even though i had to work more than i got to play, i was in my house, at my home, savoring the part of my life which takes place in a different area code.

the next 3 weeks will be a marathon, and i'll have the warm fuzziness of tgives to hold me over till christmas. 

here is some evidence...

pure glory.

the grandest mccord/fair/scott/pannell tradition of all time

the result of: me, lauren, childhood nostalgia and a wee bit too much Riesling.

the original thanksgiving, obv.

homehomehome

snow, leaves, lunch dates, ice cream runs, impromptu piano lesson, and nephew cuddle sessions.

so good to be home.

it's setting in

senioritis.

i've lost [almost] all desire to be in school.
i'm procrastinating.
i'm dawdling.
i'm late to things.
i apologize to my planner for filling it from corner to corner; a cramped handwriting massacre.
i'm day dreaming about the elusive - yet ever present "after graduation"
i'm sleepy, always.
i'm too busy to do fun things.
i'm pretty sure even my camera battery is tired.
if i don't write it down, it doesn't happen.
oops. i guess that's how it goes.

the other day i was planning out some things [my show date, graduation, signatures, transfer classes etc] and it hit me...
my life as a student will be over f o r e v e r on may 28th, 2011.
i've been a student for like 16 years or something ridiculous, and now in 6 months i just... won't be.

the more i chat with my pals about their post grad plans, the more i realize that soon i will be expected to make some decisions, take some risks and be really really poor just like every graduate before me.  i'm not sure i'm okay with the social norm.

it's always been so far off in the distance that i've never stopped to consider what will happen when i actually get there.

well, i'm there and let me tell ya... it's weird.
and i know that in 6 months when this is all behind me, it will be even weirder.
it will be as if part of my identity has now been stripped away and i now have to figure out who i want to be for the next chunk of my life.
huh, so bizarre.
i'll letcha know what i can scrounge up.

too busy to blog

because this is what my days feel like...

[philip lorca dicorcia, look em up.]

9 more days till i am home in oregon.
where i plan to drink chai every day, keep my planner tucked away in my suitcase, pile on many layers of warm clothing & lots of mccord hugs, and bask in the slowness of life, the falling of leaves and use of my windshield wipers.

cannot wait. c a n n o t.

but these next 9 days will be jampacked. yikes. just thinking about it makes me want to take a nap. maybe i will...

amen to that.

seriously, amen.

gearing up for another week of absolute craziness.

i'm sure you are as well. 

godspeed, my friend.

i love being aunt ray ray.

yesterday my heart melted into a puddle on the floor. and i'm pretty sure its still there.

amber (one of my sisters) called me in class and as i picked up i heard this lovely little voice saying: "oh, hi ray ray, i miss you!"

U G H. slayed me, right then and there. insta-tears.
it was Lawson, my favorite freakin 2 year old.

shortly followed by this little voice: "blorajdja hi rayraaay asndlk"

Tanner, my favorite one year old.

my day was made, and i had a silly smile on my face for at least an hour.

after talking to amber for a bit she told me that when my whole family gets together when i'm at school Law always says "where's ray ray?"
my dear sweet little neph notices when im gone.

gosh, so amazing. and breaks my heart even more that i'm not there.

after lawson singing me a song and tanner mumbling adorably i said goodbye - feeling so refreshed and loved and missed. and now i really s e r i o u s l y can't wait to go home and squeeze the living daylights out of these little creatures. only 18 more dayssss. ptl.

spice up your l i f e.

for halloween my dear sweet roommates and i went as the Spice Girls, duh.

Angela - Sporty Spice (hence the sports bra)

Melissa - Posh Spice (hence the black)

Myself - Ginger Spice (hence the red)

Christina - Baby Spice (hence the pigtails)

also, our friend Sam was Bob Dylan

we (with our neighbors in our apartment) impromptu trick or treated, 

we played fax machine, we played cutthroat mofia, 

we acted like 6 year olds when we hoarded/traded candy, 

we watched a scary movie before bed and were terrified for hours. 

overall we just played which was lovely.

 

and this candy has been sitting on our counter ever since...

since then i have...

spent 10 hours on an insanely meticulous art installation with my photographer at work, taught myself how to print a photo on wood with liquid light, got kicked out of class for not doing the reading, didn't eat for 12 hours straight (on accident), attempted to do an art instillation in the park with dresses illuminated by candles hanging from trees, and nearly caught the whole place on fire due to the dress that burst into flames, after which i had to buy tons of neosporin for my blistering hot wax burns, and wanted everyday to be cold and at home instead of sweating it out in 90 degree heat in november.

its been struggs to say the least.

but i'm done whining now, just had to get it out.

it's now the weekend, and tomorrow were throwing a man-themed birthday party for Melissa (Posh Spice), complete with mustache cake, xbox, pickup line contest, burgers, coffee and donuts and man attire. should be a whole bunch of manly fun. mmm.

i will never get tired of this

beyond precious.
watch.

n o v e m b e r r r r .

i love november. 

its one of the most pleasant months. 

in 4 weeks i will be in this very spot, hopefully with another enormous leaf like this.

my soul is happiest when it's a little chilled, when i'm with the ones i love, 

and when i'm breathing deep the change of seasons. 

O R E G O N, come quickly please.

i think i can, i think i can, i think i can...

... i think.

once again, my life is so busy that its stupid.
and i've learned one thing from all of it - i can do whatever i set my mind to. seriously.

there hasn't been one project, one idea, one job that i've had the inspiration to do that turned out horribly. everything i've tried - i've completed. everything i've thought up - i've made into physical form.

this is something i've never sat down and thought about. and once i did, it blew my mind.
i've been so blessed with the opportunities i've had and the inspirations i've been given.

and the encouragement from my peers, my professors, my colleagues at work, my bosses at my internships, my family and even my friends who have no idea about what the heck i'm making... makes a  world of difference.

the positive reinforcement i've been receiving is the biggest motivator i have to keep going. even when my little brain is empty and inspiration is dry.

its making me realize more and more how invested i am & how energized i become when i'm part of a community.

so even in the midst of midterm-mayhem, i think i can... so therefore i can. PTL.

p.s... pictures of what i've been slaving over these days are soon to come.

This day in [my] history...

Every once and a while I skim through my old blog posts from previous years.
I always peek and see if there is one I wrote on the same day on which I'm browsing.
It's always so interesting to reflect who I was, what I was thinking about and what I was feeling months ago or even years ago.

So today [in 2009] this is what I was thinking... and I haven't changed a bit.

_____________________________________

It's days like today that get me super pumped for heaven.

I didn't have a particularly bad day today, just an average day.

A day like a million other days I've spent, living my life, day to day.

Because it's all I've ever known how to do.

I just can't wait for the fact that in heaven I won't ever wake up tired.

I won't ever have to do homework, take tests or go to class.

I won't ever have to work, save money to buy things, or to even have to deal with the whole mess of money in general.

I won't ever have to say goodbye to the ones I care about. Just have continuous conversations.

I won't ever have to get sick, be late, or have to apologize for something I've done or haven't done.

I won't ever have to impress anyone or feel guilty about the things I'm not doing that I should be doing.

I won't ever judge anyone or look down upon those I subconsciously deem lesser than myself. 

I won't ever get cold, get lost while driving somewhere, stutter because I talk way too fast, or have to do my hair.

I won't ever have to fool others into thinking I'm smart, cool, hip or whatever it is I'm trying to prove at one time or another.

I won't have to read about celebrities and deem the ridiculous things they do as a point of interest.

I won't have to just sit and wonder what in the world I'm supposed to do with my life. It will be done, I will have learned, I will be content, and I will be relieved.

I'll never have to be anywhere other than in the presence of God and do nothing but praise the crap outta Him.

And it's day's like today that I can't wait to meet Jesus.

bad day.

you know when you have one of those days when lots of tiny tragic things keep happening that by themselves - not a big deal, but when you put them all together you feel like you're going crazy?

i had one of those days today.
not a fan.

all thats left to do is snuggle my worries away on the couch, eat ice cream and watch old episodes of project runway, and hope the rest of the world stays away.

hope you had a happier monday than i, friends.

watch this, seriously.

most beautiful thing i have laid eyes on in quite some time.
[ i watched it three times in a row, couldn't get enough]

Dark Side of the Lens by Astray Films



breathtakingly gorgeous, right? yep.

happy thursday, friends.

boo hoo hoo.

6 weeks till tgive 2010.

missing my family lots these days.

 soon i will be home for a blissful w e e k of relational love.

being the only mccord in california wears on you after a while.

big day.

today i decided what i will create for my senior show.

(!!!)

which is pretty much the most important thing i will ever do in my undergraduate career and will be my first professional body of work which i will use as a portfolio builder to launch myself into the world.

and today i decided what im going to do & how i'm going to do it.

it felt surreal to finally be at the place i've been daydreaming of since sophomore year.
but i'm beyond excited to get started and make work that i'm passionate about for no other reason than my desire to make something beautiful & meaningful for others to look at.

just hope my thoughts translate well into physical form. i suppose we shall see at my show come spring! so excited.

p.s... please come see it, okay? okay.

tuition dollars paying off

since i've been chatting so much about how out of control my schedule is... i thought i'd show you why.

my second home is mcnally 82: the art lab.

i spend more time here than i do in my apartment these days.

but i don't mind looking like this, if my work looks like this. 

here's some tidbits of projects i've been working on in my advanced photo classes & at work:

large format 4x5 film camera with natural lighting 

printed digitally; triptych format (3 images)

large format 4x5 film camera & studio strobe lighting

35mm film camera layering of multiple negatives

(digital version, darkroom version still to come)

trying my hand in sports photography for work at the biolan.

so much different than what i'm used to shooting, definitely still rusty but learning.

i seriously learn something critically important everrrry day. 

all photo, all the time. nuts. great. love it.

oh.... hey.

yikes. its been quite a while since i've been able to sit down and blog.
even now i don't have time, and should be doing something more productive, buuut i've got some word vomit i should probably unleash, ha.

this semester is c r a y z a y. crayzaay. and i know i always say that, but this time its real...

i forget to eat meals because i don't have time.
i stand up for 6 hours straight.
i take at least 200 pictures a day between work and school.
every moment of my day is planned, written down, filed away, and scribbled on.
i've already found myself whining and i've only been here a little over a month.
(and i h a t e when i whine, its very unflattering).

its crazy, thats the only way i can figure out how to say.

B U T.

it is so rich. so full of energy, fulfillment, inspiration and lessons in humility.
i've learned to listen and then act.
to let myself breath and not be put-together at all times both physically and academically.
i've realized how to push through, get things done and do them as well as i can.
i've remembered that God is good. And is good at dealing with me, no matter how ridiculous my life gets.

i've grown up just in these past 6 weeks, and i cant figure out quite yet where to put that in my mind - but i'm getting closer.

p.s.. in my next post i'll letcha see what i've been working on during all these loony & long days.

yum.

"Every desire for good and happiness is for each person a great and insidious love... 

Love is the desire to possess what is good forever." - Plato

im tired.

its only been a month of school, and im already tired.
i already want to sleep through classes and run away to the beach.
i am already starting to tune out during lectures and procrastinate.
but i love what i'm doing, so why am i all outta whack? who knows. mystery.

this is not so good, as you might imagine.

i need a jump start of the: mind, body, spirit, energy, attitude and appetite for my life.

otherwise i will continue to look like this.

and let's be real, no one wants to see that...

giggles & lasagna

i'm realizing something that makes me happy every time - never failing, is community. whether a situation is completely miserable or amazing, it is made better by sharing it with someone, anyone.

earlier today i did a photoshoot for the r.a. staff of a dorm on campus, and i only knew 1 girl out of the 7. and it's always a little odd to photograph groups, especially groups of girls that are your peers - it always takes them a while to trust you and relax. but later into the shoot, i realized what great girls they were and how kindhearted and hilarious each one was. even though i never met any of them until that moment, i felt so comfortable interacting with them - result of good community.

tonight my roommates and i went next door to our neighbors apartment with about 10 other people, ate lasagna and played telephone pictionary (which is fantastic) for hours on end, laughing ourselves silly.

even though, again, i didn't even know several of the people before that interaction, it was so great to be so chummy with them and my dear friends. it is situations like these when i remember how important communication, interaction and quality time are to me - they're game changers. i value my time with people so highly. i dislike being by myself for long periods of time - people are like my batteries, they charge me with energy. 

i think i'm also realizing that this is the l a s t time i will get to live in such a thriving community of people with such good hearts. 

this is my l a s t year of college. that still hasn't really hit home yet for me, but im slowly coming to grips with the fact that i am not peter pan, and that i eventually have to grow up. 

but not yet, i've got some more giggling to do.

little box.

one of my fave photogs, spreading some juicy photog wisdom.

(here's some of his work, if you are not familiar)

so great.

reset

sometimes it just takes a phone call to my dad, making brownies with my roommates, and a few episodes of sex & the city to reset my attitude button after a series of unfortunate events.

because in the past few days i've:
visited a museum (by myself, way less fun)
flooded my professors office
stubbed my toe
fell asleep multiple times in the same class period
had to rearrange an entire office space
nearly flashed a maintenance worker
and straight up acted ridiculous on several occasions.

needless to say its been stuggs, hardcore.

but, now the button has been pushed and i'm feeling more normal and less pathetic circumstantially. and it's time for tuesday.

and on a completely different note, i wish it was fall here.
i have a merciless desire to wear flannel, boots and scarves and do nothing but duck into coffee shops to get out of the rain.

autumn, come quickly if you please.

learning from the greats

soaking up their thoughts & images...

"I photograph elements of my life, places where I feel comfortable, 

where my way of thinking is in line with that I am doing." 

-Sebastiao Salgado

"I think if you don't love people and aren't fascinated by them, you'll never

 succeed as a portrait photographer, because your pictures will look cold."

 - Rankin

"I get excited about authenticity. I try to find something special. 

I don't even know what it is. It's intuition." 

- Rineke Dijkstra

"The key is to photograph your obsessions, whether that's old people's hands or skyscrapers. Think of a blank canvas, because that's what you've got, 

and then think about what you want to see." 

- David LaChapelle

This day in history...

On this exact day/time/place last year, this is was what I was thinking, learning and feeling.
It's weird... not much of it has changed. That's both super comforting and a little unnerving.
________________________________________
From Septemeber 15, 2009:


I feel like everyday since I've been back at school I learn something about myself that I had forgotten about or newly discovered.

I've learned that I am a purely visual learner. If I can't see it, possibly feel it or visualize it somehow, it will go in one ear and out the other. Guaranteed.

I've learned that I don't talk as much as I thought. Those who know me well are howling with laughter at this moment I'm sure, but really, I've met some crazy crazy talkers these past few weeks. I'm put in my place next to them, man.. I didn't think it was possible.

I've learned I giggle when I don't have any clue what I'm doing. Trying to pass off my inablity as cuteness? Uncomfortable nervousness? Gut instinct? I dunno, its funny, and in turn makes me giggle more, duh.

I've learned that I get very emotionally invested in almost every situation in which I am involved. Lunch with friends, a piece of literature, song lyrics, my nephews every movement it seems, time with those i love, a circumstance I may hear in passing regarding someone I don't know and will never meet, the ridiculous story lines of teen soap operas, you name it, I'm sucked in.

I've learned that I am very selfish with my time. I am way too social for my own good and college is just a reciepe for every single class failure if I was allowed to play as much as my heart desires. So supressing my social butterfly within me is very hard to do and I've realized that because of this I am a time whore, reserving far more play time than work time in my schedule. Which is almost always impossible {sigh}.

I've learned how much I love to sing. Since being back at Mosaic Whittier, my lovely church, I've sang every week and never get tired of it. Never get bored of it. Never get self conscious about it. Weird, can't explain it, just love it.

I've learned that I should pursue what I want, even if I am self conscious if I will succeed. Which means I want to probably switch my emphasis from Design to Interdisciplinary which means I would study both Design and Photography, which is what I love and wanted to do from the start. I just got nervous, and am feeling affirmation that I should pursue it and design together, not just singularly. So, that's real exciting. 
___________________________________


Crazy, but also not at all crazy. I'm finally realizing that I k n o w myself real well, and can both pull back and push forward things I want to keep and things I want to change.
Just thinking aloud I suppose, reflecting and readjusting.

boyz.

the more i think about it, the more i realize i am drawn to boys who look/dress/groom like this.

oops. i guess i want a scruffy jcrew man.
who knew?
not i.

i get to go b a c k.

the reason i haven't been posting like a madwoman about this already is because it is just now sinking in.

i have been blessed with the opportunity to trounce around Italy for 3 weeks with the Biola art department this january. so beyond pumped.

since we will be returning to many of the places that my family and i visited on our last trip, it will give me an opportunity to revel in every scene without having to feel like a mega tourist.

and now after 3 years of studio arts and 5 courses in art history... i'll know what i'm looking out and appreciate it a whole lot more and understand its context. and on top of that, one of my favorite professors in the art department & his wife are leading the trip so each conversation will be dripping with their insight & knowledge of art history.

i'm such a nerd because i legitimately can't wait for them to lecture the living daylights out of each painting. mmm. and i also can't wait to walk the streets of Italy, eat my weight in gelato & pasta, soak up all the pretty people/places/things, journal, photograph and be completely freezing in the middle of winter but not have a care in the world because of where i will be and what i will be experiencing. can't w a i t. can't wait.

just at thought.

growing up is so weird. 

the more i think about it, the weirder it gets.

that one time at Salvation Mountain.

this is extremely long, i don't expect you to read it in its entirety. but if you do... you will probably be real glad you did, just sayin. hands down most ridiculous 24 hours of my life.

disclaimer: this is a true story. literally no exaggerations or fabrications. also thank God for the iphone.

it all started with me and christina wanting to go on an adventure over labor day weekend when literally a l l of our friends were out of town, busy or working. we thought about the beach, we thought about the city, and then we thought about salvation mountain... and stopped thinking, and went.
when i say stop thinking, we kind of really stopped thinking. we may or may not have lost all forms of common sense because we thought it sounded brilliant to leave in the evening, drive 4 hours, sleep in the back of my jeep, wake up the next morning and explore. right? easy enough. wrong... we were very wrong.
here is what happened and what turned into the most adventurous and hilarious experience of our lives.

so we decide to leave at around 7 after having dinner, getting gas and boba (duh) we were headed down the 91. a couple hours later when all the street lights were gone and the roads were out of control, we started to realize that this was real life, and really foolish, but of course kept going anyways.
our original plan was to pull off on the side of the road and park it for the night. after realizing that all the towns had less than 3 stop lights, were a stones throw from the mexico border, and were legitly filled with tweakers and nightdwellers... we started to pee our pants a bit.

we planned then to pull into a campsite and just park there, but naturally they were all closed or make believe because we found no campgrounds.
when we stopped at Ski's Inn (aka Skeeze Inn) to ask for directions in Bombay Beach, we were greeted with three very inebriated mexicans who then proceeded to ask us if we wanted to "let us follow them to the campsite." When that didn't work they straight up asked us if we wanted to party. After we rolled up our windows and sped off while they were running after our car.... we decided to look for a hotel, ha.

After checking out one hotel that was $50 and-a-prayer to stay alive-a-night, we asked a cop where the next closest/safest spot would be. After basically telling us how stupid we are, he gave us a couple cities to check out down the road. So off we went, i hope he at least got our plates in case our car was reported abandoned. I bet he's still giggling to himself, ha.

So here we are, its almost midnight, bouncing down the 111hwy, not sure where or if we will sleep, we pull into Calipatria Inn a few miles down and the office was closed, so we couldn't stay there. Pretty freaked out, tired, hungry and in desperate need of some bathrooms we just parked. After we parked and sat for a few minutes we thought, "Hey... let's just stay in the car here, its well lit and were surrounded by tons of cars." Deal.

Good thing that was the plan all along because n o w we were prepared. We pulled out our laptop, movies, candle, blankets and animal crackers. Livin the life. Even though it was 101 degrees at midnight and it felt like we were sleeping on the sun's back porch - we were parked and we were gonna sleep. Two happy campers. Still feelin kinda sketchy, I called one of my good friends at home to tell him where we were ( so at least someone would know our last location if we got snatched ) and he was on top of it in seconds, looking up where we were, how far it was from big cities and even devised a plan B for us if we got busted at the inn parking lot. We both felt instantly calmed and apparently just needed a boy to tell us that we would be safe if we stayed smart and should just chill out, because we did.

Since it was a million degrees, we had to sleep in our underwear and even then lost 10 pounds in sweat (which we later gained back in doughnuts), we woke up at the crack of dawn, 5am by both the sun and some noisy hunters slamming their doors and rustling about. We were then very aware that we were sweaty, in our underwear, and surrounded by strange men with guns. So as soon as they shipped off we peed behind the jeep and left.

Pumped that we actually made it through the night, we were blazing the 111 once again, on our way to meet Leonard and the Mountain. Once we got there the sun was on its way up, so we laid down with the trunk open, sleepy eyed and being wafted by the hot breeze, we watched the sun come up behind the cross on Salvation Mountain. Coolest moment I've had in a long while. Then we drank our Arizona tea and Hostess doughnuts, got dressed and walked across the street to see the mountain.

Right when we got there Leonard greeted us, gave us a dvd and a whole bunch of freakin postcards and magnets (which are now a l l hanging in our fridge), and he chatted us up for a few minutes, being as looney and kind as can be. He then insisted to show us around himself in his precious old straw hat and paint covered clothes, that man is a beast. For the next half hour Leonard chatted us up about the Mountain, how he made it, his tire trees, the kids that come see it and the fact that "if they get enough people to talk nice about it, congress will make it a natural treasure, and keep it around for like 500 years - it'll be fine, touch it, its tough as a boot. it'll be real nice, we can get can public restrooms and make it look real good."

Leonard = champion.

Then he told us to take the yellow brick road (like literally 8 times, his marbles may be entirely lost). So we did, walked to the top, and sat on the crest of the mountain and marveled at what the heck had happened and was happening. Then we ventured back down the mountain, paparazzied that place up, explored, talked, and giggled. Leonard had left for a bit, so we were the only ones on the mountain, probably the only ones for miles. It was crazy, and rejuvenating. After chatting some more with Leonard we were on our way (it was only 9am, which felt so insane). We took a jumping pic or two by the sign and hopped into my steaming hot baked potato of a car, we drove over to slab city and explored a bit. After walking on top of an old army bunker, we heard some door creaks, fan blows, and saw drillings and got the eff outta there, literally sprinting to the car. That's when we were ready to head home.

On the way out we thought oh hey, let's stop by the Salton Sea right? Wrong. That place looked and smelled like the dump. So we didn't swim in it leisurely as we intended, but we were there, which was good enough for us. Our ipods were real dead at this point, so we listened to adventures in oddessy tapes as I tried to pry my eyes open. After a stop at In-n-Out, caffiene, and lots of giggling about the day later, we were home. And passed out on the couch for three hours. S U C C E S S. Best day ever, you now understand our need to massively document every detail.

Also: "yeah sure, we'll party with you, we'd love to get raped," KOA closed till october?, peeing/screaming in hilarity behind the jeep, the painted vail/fear of cholera, ultra paranoid about the hunters, 3 hrs of sleep, flicking granola bar into christina's bra, "what's the difference between a crackhead and a tweaker? crackheads will steal your shit and bounce, tweakers will steal your shit and help you look for it," getting checked/insulted by border patrol, giggling/yell at Leonard, madly searching the iphone at all hours, nip slip in in-n-out bathroom, bonding like crazy... friendship heightened.

l o v e & m i s s

miss these little creatures. real bad.

as if i don't talk enough already...

... i have a n o t h e r blog. haha.
this one is more directive, though.
for my advanced integrated photography class i have to keep a blog of my inspirations, ideas, fave artists, responses to readings, progress on projects etc.
and since i wanted to keep my life-brain and school-brain somewhat separated, i just started a whole new space in which to think. so what i'm saying is, feel free to follow me here and there because i will still be posting on both.

>> THIS << will be my art blog, but i am def not abandoning this blog so, bounce around, feel it out, see which you like better. ha, not really. you are of course required by friendship to like them both, duh. 


happy wednesdaying.

such a nerd.

you know you're a nerd when you actually enjoy reading textbooks.
and you read them when they are assigned, actually take on what it is your reading, and remember it the next day in class without looking at your notes.

that happened to me t w i c e already this week. so weird.

but i'm oddly okay with it because that can only mean i've truly found what i love to do and don't mind thinking, reading, or talking about it for hours on end. which, i must say, is a good feeling.

so, now that i have more and more photo chapters to read, i'm gonna go geek it up and love every second.

my last first day of school.

today was the last day of my last summer as college kid. w o a h.
it's weird when the moments that feel so far away are right in front of you, ready to be experienced. it feels like a game of hot potato. you wait for it to be your turn, and then once its in your hand you feel like dropping it. so nuts.

this summer has been close to one of the bests.
i spent loads of time with my family, friends and the outdoors.
i learned how to be alone with my thoughts, how to be quiet, and how to be still.
i intensely hunted down the illness i've been dealing with for nearly 6 years and almost have it beat - still healing. praise jesus.
i relished in the small things like feeding my nephews, walking my dog and sipping coffee slowly.
i deepened relationships with good friends, and had real good times doing so.
i again realized how incredible my family is, and what i vital part they play in my life and who i am.
i relied on my own strength and agenda, got burned, got lost, and ran as fast as i could back to God... never fully understanding why i left His side in the first place.
i was a part of the best day of my best friends life and got to cheer her on in her new marriage.
i got to test my skills both in writing and photography, stretched and grew greatly.
i ate good food, i laughed real hard, a drove with my windows down... i enjoyed my life.

i ultimately lived and truly learned. as weird as it sounds to think or type, it was the perfect way to end all my summers. it was good till the l a s t drop.

and now tomorrow is my last first day of school. so weird.
i can't wait to sit on those crusty bleachers with my best girls, perk up my ears to our pres DBC give a rousing charge at convocation, and start my final academic year with full lungs and an open mind.

obsessed with.

these songs. some new, some old faves. nonetheless, they are my delights.
please love them, they won't let you down.

to build a home - patrick watson
heart full of pentagons - film school
i would die for you - matt walters
twenty-two - wakey! wakey!
all the beautiful things - the eels
the concubine - beirut
little blue mailbox - fink
bloodbuzz ohio - the national
i was broken - rob pattinson
go or go ahead - rufus wainwright
part one - band of horses
rococo - the arcade fire
liar - mumford and sons
these arms - the swell season

_____________________________________
 in other news...

i am b a c k in la, back at biola, and back into college baby mode.
i will mumble about that later, right now im still a zombie from all the drivage and movage, ha.

all my bags are packed im ready to go...

but i'm really not ready to go.
i hate the end of summer. always. every time. never fails.
yes, there's always a part of me that's excited to get back to school, friends and my whole life there... but it never ceases to suck leaving my cozy home and cozy hearts.

even after four years, i still haven't adjusted to packing & unpacking my whole life in the back of my jeep biannually.

even after four years, i always get homesick after my parents leave me with all my possessions and life continues back home while i have to start from scratch again.

even after four years, i always forget how blessed i am to be part of my family, and how much i miss them when i am gone.

even after four years, i'm still not used to being a student... but i also don't want to get used to being a graduate and grown up like the rest of the world 9 months from now. hmm, problem.

well, i suppose its time to face the music.

left to do:
- one last dinner at my grandparent's house
- tetris-pack the crap out of my jeep
- finish my l a s t anthropology class
- say farewell to my beloved oregon until november

readyyyy? go.