back to big kid land

welp. it's time.

time to come out of the prolonged hibernation {known as interterm break} and get back to real life.

being home has been one giant mush fest. it's been fantastic.

sleep, family, art, food, making plans, friends, lots of good conversations, getting some credits out of the way, lots of tea, and getting some much needed emotional and mental rest, along with physical.

super good. just super long.

i think its almost good that break is sooo-ho long {6 weeks} because by the end of it, i am insanely motivated to get back and start the new semester that i'm actually really stoked about it.

and being the girl that i am, who loves to procrastinate, 6 weeks is plenty to do so and well, it shakes me into productivity. it's weird, but it's helpful.

tomorrow i will spend way too many hours alone on the 5 than anyone ever should, i will return to my apartment, move back in all my goodies and i will sit. and i will be back at my other home.

you know, no one ever tells you that when you go to college that you no longer have one life, not really.

the acceptance letter should say, "congratulations, you are officially a nomad and will be moving annually for the next 4 years!"

at first, i was not a huge fan of my best friends and family at home having NO idea about my new life, friends, activities and experiences. but somewhere down the line i came to a point where i greatly appreciated the blessing it is to be poured into generously by so many different sources, people, and opportunities. it is fulfilling in ways i never expected.

which is why i can't wait to get back to where my heart truly thrives. where i'm challenged to think for myself and develop exactly who it is i am becoming, and on my own terms, at my own pace.

this semester is going to be a seriously significant one for me, i can almost taste it.

cheers & off i go.

packing break

genius. watch it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmHQZOPj9-Q

things that are extra lovely

"art is not what you see, but what you make others see." edgar degas

"to be an artist is to believe in life." henry moore

"art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. " pablo picasso

"the object of art is not to reproduce reality, but to create a reality of the same intensity." alberto giacometti

_____________________________________

so lovely. i could soak in those words all day.

tiny cuteness

even as i type this my mother is disgusted by my infatuation for these tiny barn yard animals.

i just discovered "teacup pigs" little piglets that stay piglets forever!

just like a teacup puppy that stays small.

obviously puppies are preferred, but it would be so fun to have a piglet!

everyone knows the cutest versions of animals are babies, and this little guy stays a little guy.

ugh, if only i had my own house... i would have a teacup piglet. yes i would.

maybe one day my tiny friend.

i'm only good at being young

i'm pretty sure some of my most relevant moments have been in my car, listening to music.

i guess i am deeply impacted far more when it is unexpected than when i sit and ponder.

sitting and pondering has never seemed to get me very far. but music always does.

my cd changer in my car has like 10 cds and only about 2 of them work, but never the same 2... they change their minds on me. and today john mayer decided to grace me with his last album's presence. this song doesn't usually get me thinking, but it did today. it's very much what my growing-up heart is feeling, and was like breath to my soul when i thought about it.

now, if you like, you should think about it and see what it's got for you.

________________________________________________

No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

(think I got 'em now)

john mayer - stop this train

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good, yea? mmhm.

in other news: i am JUST about done with my photography website {!!!}

s.o. e.x.c.i.t.e.d. link to come...

in other other news: i finally learned how to crochet! after many "i really wanna learn" speeches, i am now a proud... crochetist?

web cam quality = no good, but i have evidence :

f f f feel.

i feel the need to...

do.

travel.

explore.

adventure.

seek beauty.

learn something new.

appreciate something old.

create something enthralling.

laugh until i can't feel my own face.

photograph. photograph. photograph.

wander aimlessly somewhere wonderful.

be a part of something that changes someone's life.

this time

and then i walked home.

a walk i had taken many times before, but this time was different.

this time i was greeted by to cold shoulder of winter, not the warm kiss of summer...

like i used to.

this time i wore a coat with hands in pockets, not bare shoulders with hands laced in another's...

like i used to.

this time i did not carry on a conversation half mumbled under love-drunken smiles...

like i used to.

this time i did not pause at the door while exchanging prolonged goodbyes...

like i used to.

this time i did not linger a second longer to catch one last glimpse and smile to myself before stepping inside...

like i used to.

this time i walked home without the warmth of another.

this time i recounted all the other walks in my mind, each stride reviving another memory.

this time i had no words, they could not fight their way out to face the cool night air.

this time i breathed deeply, focusing on each step i took forward, and each step i left behind.

this time i lingered a second longer to catch one last glimpse and smiled to myself, longing after what i once had, as i stepped yet again forward out of what i had lost, and into what is to come.

and then i was home.

innumerable joys

i have been constantly reminded these past few days of how many joys i have the privilege of experiencing.

everything from pursuing my passions as they become realities, to reading a book to my nephew... joys are endless, cast a brilliant light, and are filling like a hearty meal.

recently i have come to more of an understanding that i have previously been talking about to the naked ears of blog land, and i may sound like a broken record but... good heavens, we are lucky.

the more i sit and allow myself to fully experience in my own mind what my life is performing before my very eyes, the more i am engulfed by the feeling that i do not deserve it and am no where near thankful enough.

although i may say i live every moment to the fullest, and may say i find beauty in every circumstance... i don't. im as filthy and broken as the best and worst souls you will ever meet.

but now i say it and mean it... i can't wrap my head around the fact that my life is bursting at the seams with joy.

not without sorrow, regret, pain, confusion, loss of hope, weariness of soul and burdens of the heart. but in spite of these struggles joy prevails.

so as i approach this next day, and the day following... i choose to seek joy, not happiness. joy.

ready? go.

the richness of life

i've been repeatedly shocked by the Lord when considering the depth of life.

lately i've been regaining the joy i naturally posses which i know is constantly given by the Lord, and the return of that joy and positivity in my heart has been incredibly humbling. to again look at life with fervor, determination, excitement and optimism is an overwhelming blessing.

just recently i've had the privilege to witness the joining of two lives in marriage, the joy of documenting two young lovebirds soon to do the same, and the celebrating of a life well lived, that has now reached its end. through these encounters i again came to remember the fleeting moment that is life, and how each encounter is intricately comprised in the beautiful journey our few years become.

i am never anything less than shocked as i step back from myself, and consider heaven. i am always struck with humility as well as the "stop freaking out, you're fine" mentality.

it is so easy for me to completely disregard the point of my life...

to prepare for, yearn for, and lead others towards heaven.

it is times of realization such as these that i just want to run around telling everyone i meet how lucky we are to have each breath and not to worry about today, tomorrow, the next hour, the next moment because when we stand before our Creator, he won't ask us what grade we got on our final exams, what our credit score is or how many new gadgets we have acquired. He will ask us about how well we lived our lives in knowledge & service to him, and how we loved his people by loving Him.

i don't want to mumble excuses, be embarrassed at my own selfishness or regret the years i was blessed with. i want to hear "well done, my good and faithful servant." i want to live a life worth being remembered, a life that leaves an imprint and fulfills its purpose, a life that leads someone somewhere to believe God exists and that is everything He says He is.

life is too short and too damn unpredictable to wait to live the life you know you should be living. start that life now. don't wait another minute.

here's to my attempt at more passionately seeking out & living out the richness of life.

today was a big girl day.

i had my first big girl client. holler.

just like the real world.... where your clients aren't related to you, haha.

i did not know them. they did not know me - only my photography. score.

{here are some sneak peeks of the engagement shoot below}

in other news....

i get to see this woman TOMORROW! { aaaaaah :) !!! }

so excited for long lost friend time with miss frangela. yea yea yea.

in other, other news...

i am starting my physical anthropology online course... it already sucks.

indiana jones was a liar, this stuff is nowhere near as exciting as he said it was.

this is great.

i feel like myself again.

FINALLY.

praise jesus for getting me through this

long season of incredible difficulty.

i am so ready to start anew.

can't ignore it

jenny holzer is so amazing. end of story.

she goes around the world

{these selections are from vienna, san diego and providence}

and projects text into and onto her surroundings.

after studying her work this year, i've really come to appreciate it and the integration of something used so frequently {text} in places we always go, but in such a way that it creates new importance because of the emphasis she places on it with scale and well, shock value.

i think she's ballsy and great.

you should check out some more of her work, maybe she will inspire you.