time doesn't fly, it rockets.

apparently now i just blog monthly. sad.

since my last update i have:

-not passed my biology class....depressing.
-enrolled in summer school for, you guessed it, more biology... slightly more depressing
-by said passing and enrolling discovered that i WILL graduate and WILL walk at graduation.. not at all depressing.
-finished the biolan, the yearbook, my pride and joy - which is now on the presses & comes out in early may.
-am currently at h o m e for spring break: enjoying my family, jesus, and finishing up my senior show.

so many hard things, mixed with so many good things. it's hard too keep up, even with my own life.
but i'm glad for the challenge and the diversity. spending my last few nights in my bed as an oregon resident and college student. so weird. so so weird, but good.

only a few more days at home before its show weekend.
those of you located in lovely southern california check out my show!
VERSO: towards | reverse.
a fine art photographic exhibition (speaking to the concept of time & misplaced memories)

May 2nd-6th in the Biola Univeristy Gallery (13800 Biola Ave. La Mirada, CA 90639)
Opening reception is Monday May 2nd 6-9pm - I'd love to see ya!

take care dear friends.

w o a h

haven't blogged for like a month. crayzay.

since then i have been:

-conquering biology (and hopefully passing it)
-working like a madwoman on (school/ the biolan/my show, etc)
-enjoying friends
-not really sleeping
-not really eating regularly
-not really ever knowing what day or time it is
-having a very closeknit relationship with starbucks or really anything caffinated in a cup
-wishing the days towards graduation weren't ticking away so quickly.

my show is in TWENTY - FOUR days.
yikes.
can't wait for it to arrive // can't wait for it to be over.
such is life. bittersweet.

bits of things

first week of school. check.
after a a few classes, lots of emailing, meetings, shoots, projects, brainstortming, wandering about, best friend visits, quick disneyland nights, some old friend catch-ups over dinner and viewing of star trek 4... thus ends the first week, with heaps of sentimentality.

huge news. got a job offer this weekend (!!!) a real life big-girl job where i would be payed to do what i love to do. still praying, we'll see what God's got goin on. but real real exciting to seriously consider a viable option such as this so early in the semester before the final stages of "what the hell am i going to do with my life" panic ensues.

in other news, i realize i have posted z e r o proof of my visit overseas... so here you are. its a tease, with only one but let's be honest... there's no way you want to sift through over 2,000 that i took. forreal.

venice. only one of the most delightful/photogenic cities in ze world.

i move into my studio this week and will get to work on my show/life/work/humanity, ha.

last.

today is the first day of my last semester at biola.
sitting in spring convo chapel this morning when they had all the new students stand up and welcomed them into the community, i had instant flashbacks to when that was me.

17, shorter hair, undeclared, living with 2 new roommates in a crackerbox of a dorm room, completely figured myself out, so elated to be starting college away from home.
and now 4 years later i'm in the same girl just 21, longer hair, art major, living with 3 lovely housemates, still learning new things about myself everyday - no where near figured out, so elated to be in my last semester of college away from home.

so i guess it seems as though not much has changed, although i feel like a completely different person now than i did before i came.
i don't even want to think about how much i'm going to miss this place.
it has been the center of so much of my life and development over these past few years that i may just completely fall apart when i leave it because it has been my home and been so familiar for so long.

but im beyond excited for what God has for me this semester and all the seasons of my life that follow my days at Biola. i can't start getting sentimental yet, its only january.
but still... this place is great.

back from Italia.

wow wow wow.
just got back yesterday from my interterm trip to Italy.
my soul is still swimming with all that my eyes saw, all that my mind learned, and all that my heart felt. (photographic proof soon to come)

now i'm sleepily resetting my brain to school mode this next coming week and am preparing to look through all of the images i took while i was over in that beautiful country. i might have an art-attack while looking over them. and then may also have the sudden impulse to run back to the airport and catch the first flight to Florence that I can find/sell organs to afford.
but i'll probably refrain. probably.

my heart is so full, even though my mind and body are so weary.
that right there, is a feeling of great accomplishment.
ciao ciao.

yikes

sometimes things are hard, just because they're hard.
not because of something i could have done differently or because i was in the wrong place at the wrong time.. just because it in itself is difficult.

this week i experienced a new kind of hard.
i was stretched in every way possible.
i didn't go to sleep before 4am all week... & straight up just didn't sleep at yesterday.
i had every minute of my day written down, underlined, post-it noted and crossed out.
i spent literally 90% my day in front of a computer screen.
i've had not only overwhelming projects to conquer at school, but also had daily shoots at work to edit and post.
i've had a headache pretty much solid since sunday afternoon.
i had my senior show concept demolished, now left to start from nothing all over again.

this. week. was. hard.

but somehow, this week was great.

i got overwhelmingly high praise from my boss. which i was not expecting.
i logged some quality time with my beloved friends in the art lab, who were also getting murdered by their schedules.
i got great feedback on my commercial portfolio as well as my hefty semester long project.
i felt the love and support of those i care about most in this time of craziness and disappointments.
i realized that i'm human, and suck at most things, and that it's ok to be weak and let people help you.

pretty sure this was the most difficult week of my academic career.
even my eyelashes are tired.

don't mean to whine, just gotta get it out somehow.

now on to a restful weekend and two more finals on monday. then its ciao fall 2010. and hello christmas break & I T A L Y. crazy.

struggs.

just spent the last 11 hours in the airport. 10am - 9pm. flight delayed, then delayed, then delayed, then cancelled. at one point the plane i was supposed to get on, once it was in the air, it turned a r o u n d. what? really? yes. madness.

11 hours, 2 diet cokes, lots of photoshop, and 3 free "oops, we're sorry" pieces of pizza later. i am still in medford, oregon. and it is no longer thanksgiving break.
this is silly/stressful/tiring/reallynothelpfulatall.

ok, i just needed to get it out.
i'm done whining now, i think.

fingers crossed that wind shileds on planes don't crack tomorrow and don't need to be teased and repaired for 11 hours.

(also fingers crossed that the completely dreamy man in the leather jacket is on the flight tomorrow. i could smell his armani from 5 feet away. yeah, that good. i may or may not have been in the same room with him for too long. only time will tell)

spice up your l i f e.

for halloween my dear sweet roommates and i went as the Spice Girls, duh.

Angela - Sporty Spice (hence the sports bra)

Melissa - Posh Spice (hence the black)

Myself - Ginger Spice (hence the red)

Christina - Baby Spice (hence the pigtails)

also, our friend Sam was Bob Dylan

we (with our neighbors in our apartment) impromptu trick or treated, 

we played fax machine, we played cutthroat mofia, 

we acted like 6 year olds when we hoarded/traded candy, 

we watched a scary movie before bed and were terrified for hours. 

overall we just played which was lovely.

 

and this candy has been sitting on our counter ever since...

since then i have...

spent 10 hours on an insanely meticulous art installation with my photographer at work, taught myself how to print a photo on wood with liquid light, got kicked out of class for not doing the reading, didn't eat for 12 hours straight (on accident), attempted to do an art instillation in the park with dresses illuminated by candles hanging from trees, and nearly caught the whole place on fire due to the dress that burst into flames, after which i had to buy tons of neosporin for my blistering hot wax burns, and wanted everyday to be cold and at home instead of sweating it out in 90 degree heat in november.

its been struggs to say the least.

but i'm done whining now, just had to get it out.

it's now the weekend, and tomorrow were throwing a man-themed birthday party for Melissa (Posh Spice), complete with mustache cake, xbox, pickup line contest, burgers, coffee and donuts and man attire. should be a whole bunch of manly fun. mmm.

This day in [my] history...

Every once and a while I skim through my old blog posts from previous years.
I always peek and see if there is one I wrote on the same day on which I'm browsing.
It's always so interesting to reflect who I was, what I was thinking about and what I was feeling months ago or even years ago.

So today [in 2009] this is what I was thinking... and I haven't changed a bit.

_____________________________________

It's days like today that get me super pumped for heaven.

I didn't have a particularly bad day today, just an average day.

A day like a million other days I've spent, living my life, day to day.

Because it's all I've ever known how to do.

I just can't wait for the fact that in heaven I won't ever wake up tired.

I won't ever have to do homework, take tests or go to class.

I won't ever have to work, save money to buy things, or to even have to deal with the whole mess of money in general.

I won't ever have to say goodbye to the ones I care about. Just have continuous conversations.

I won't ever have to get sick, be late, or have to apologize for something I've done or haven't done.

I won't ever have to impress anyone or feel guilty about the things I'm not doing that I should be doing.

I won't ever judge anyone or look down upon those I subconsciously deem lesser than myself. 

I won't ever get cold, get lost while driving somewhere, stutter because I talk way too fast, or have to do my hair.

I won't ever have to fool others into thinking I'm smart, cool, hip or whatever it is I'm trying to prove at one time or another.

I won't have to read about celebrities and deem the ridiculous things they do as a point of interest.

I won't have to just sit and wonder what in the world I'm supposed to do with my life. It will be done, I will have learned, I will be content, and I will be relieved.

I'll never have to be anywhere other than in the presence of God and do nothing but praise the crap outta Him.

And it's day's like today that I can't wait to meet Jesus.

big day.

today i decided what i will create for my senior show.

(!!!)

which is pretty much the most important thing i will ever do in my undergraduate career and will be my first professional body of work which i will use as a portfolio builder to launch myself into the world.

and today i decided what im going to do & how i'm going to do it.

it felt surreal to finally be at the place i've been daydreaming of since sophomore year.
but i'm beyond excited to get started and make work that i'm passionate about for no other reason than my desire to make something beautiful & meaningful for others to look at.

just hope my thoughts translate well into physical form. i suppose we shall see at my show come spring! so excited.

p.s... please come see it, okay? okay.

i get to go b a c k.

the reason i haven't been posting like a madwoman about this already is because it is just now sinking in.

i have been blessed with the opportunity to trounce around Italy for 3 weeks with the Biola art department this january. so beyond pumped.

since we will be returning to many of the places that my family and i visited on our last trip, it will give me an opportunity to revel in every scene without having to feel like a mega tourist.

and now after 3 years of studio arts and 5 courses in art history... i'll know what i'm looking out and appreciate it a whole lot more and understand its context. and on top of that, one of my favorite professors in the art department & his wife are leading the trip so each conversation will be dripping with their insight & knowledge of art history.

i'm such a nerd because i legitimately can't wait for them to lecture the living daylights out of each painting. mmm. and i also can't wait to walk the streets of Italy, eat my weight in gelato & pasta, soak up all the pretty people/places/things, journal, photograph and be completely freezing in the middle of winter but not have a care in the world because of where i will be and what i will be experiencing. can't w a i t. can't wait.

that one time at Salvation Mountain.

this is extremely long, i don't expect you to read it in its entirety. but if you do... you will probably be real glad you did, just sayin. hands down most ridiculous 24 hours of my life.

disclaimer: this is a true story. literally no exaggerations or fabrications. also thank God for the iphone.

it all started with me and christina wanting to go on an adventure over labor day weekend when literally a l l of our friends were out of town, busy or working. we thought about the beach, we thought about the city, and then we thought about salvation mountain... and stopped thinking, and went.
when i say stop thinking, we kind of really stopped thinking. we may or may not have lost all forms of common sense because we thought it sounded brilliant to leave in the evening, drive 4 hours, sleep in the back of my jeep, wake up the next morning and explore. right? easy enough. wrong... we were very wrong.
here is what happened and what turned into the most adventurous and hilarious experience of our lives.

so we decide to leave at around 7 after having dinner, getting gas and boba (duh) we were headed down the 91. a couple hours later when all the street lights were gone and the roads were out of control, we started to realize that this was real life, and really foolish, but of course kept going anyways.
our original plan was to pull off on the side of the road and park it for the night. after realizing that all the towns had less than 3 stop lights, were a stones throw from the mexico border, and were legitly filled with tweakers and nightdwellers... we started to pee our pants a bit.

we planned then to pull into a campsite and just park there, but naturally they were all closed or make believe because we found no campgrounds.
when we stopped at Ski's Inn (aka Skeeze Inn) to ask for directions in Bombay Beach, we were greeted with three very inebriated mexicans who then proceeded to ask us if we wanted to "let us follow them to the campsite." When that didn't work they straight up asked us if we wanted to party. After we rolled up our windows and sped off while they were running after our car.... we decided to look for a hotel, ha.

After checking out one hotel that was $50 and-a-prayer to stay alive-a-night, we asked a cop where the next closest/safest spot would be. After basically telling us how stupid we are, he gave us a couple cities to check out down the road. So off we went, i hope he at least got our plates in case our car was reported abandoned. I bet he's still giggling to himself, ha.

So here we are, its almost midnight, bouncing down the 111hwy, not sure where or if we will sleep, we pull into Calipatria Inn a few miles down and the office was closed, so we couldn't stay there. Pretty freaked out, tired, hungry and in desperate need of some bathrooms we just parked. After we parked and sat for a few minutes we thought, "Hey... let's just stay in the car here, its well lit and were surrounded by tons of cars." Deal.

Good thing that was the plan all along because n o w we were prepared. We pulled out our laptop, movies, candle, blankets and animal crackers. Livin the life. Even though it was 101 degrees at midnight and it felt like we were sleeping on the sun's back porch - we were parked and we were gonna sleep. Two happy campers. Still feelin kinda sketchy, I called one of my good friends at home to tell him where we were ( so at least someone would know our last location if we got snatched ) and he was on top of it in seconds, looking up where we were, how far it was from big cities and even devised a plan B for us if we got busted at the inn parking lot. We both felt instantly calmed and apparently just needed a boy to tell us that we would be safe if we stayed smart and should just chill out, because we did.

Since it was a million degrees, we had to sleep in our underwear and even then lost 10 pounds in sweat (which we later gained back in doughnuts), we woke up at the crack of dawn, 5am by both the sun and some noisy hunters slamming their doors and rustling about. We were then very aware that we were sweaty, in our underwear, and surrounded by strange men with guns. So as soon as they shipped off we peed behind the jeep and left.

Pumped that we actually made it through the night, we were blazing the 111 once again, on our way to meet Leonard and the Mountain. Once we got there the sun was on its way up, so we laid down with the trunk open, sleepy eyed and being wafted by the hot breeze, we watched the sun come up behind the cross on Salvation Mountain. Coolest moment I've had in a long while. Then we drank our Arizona tea and Hostess doughnuts, got dressed and walked across the street to see the mountain.

Right when we got there Leonard greeted us, gave us a dvd and a whole bunch of freakin postcards and magnets (which are now a l l hanging in our fridge), and he chatted us up for a few minutes, being as looney and kind as can be. He then insisted to show us around himself in his precious old straw hat and paint covered clothes, that man is a beast. For the next half hour Leonard chatted us up about the Mountain, how he made it, his tire trees, the kids that come see it and the fact that "if they get enough people to talk nice about it, congress will make it a natural treasure, and keep it around for like 500 years - it'll be fine, touch it, its tough as a boot. it'll be real nice, we can get can public restrooms and make it look real good."

Leonard = champion.

Then he told us to take the yellow brick road (like literally 8 times, his marbles may be entirely lost). So we did, walked to the top, and sat on the crest of the mountain and marveled at what the heck had happened and was happening. Then we ventured back down the mountain, paparazzied that place up, explored, talked, and giggled. Leonard had left for a bit, so we were the only ones on the mountain, probably the only ones for miles. It was crazy, and rejuvenating. After chatting some more with Leonard we were on our way (it was only 9am, which felt so insane). We took a jumping pic or two by the sign and hopped into my steaming hot baked potato of a car, we drove over to slab city and explored a bit. After walking on top of an old army bunker, we heard some door creaks, fan blows, and saw drillings and got the eff outta there, literally sprinting to the car. That's when we were ready to head home.

On the way out we thought oh hey, let's stop by the Salton Sea right? Wrong. That place looked and smelled like the dump. So we didn't swim in it leisurely as we intended, but we were there, which was good enough for us. Our ipods were real dead at this point, so we listened to adventures in oddessy tapes as I tried to pry my eyes open. After a stop at In-n-Out, caffiene, and lots of giggling about the day later, we were home. And passed out on the couch for three hours. S U C C E S S. Best day ever, you now understand our need to massively document every detail.

Also: "yeah sure, we'll party with you, we'd love to get raped," KOA closed till october?, peeing/screaming in hilarity behind the jeep, the painted vail/fear of cholera, ultra paranoid about the hunters, 3 hrs of sleep, flicking granola bar into christina's bra, "what's the difference between a crackhead and a tweaker? crackheads will steal your shit and bounce, tweakers will steal your shit and help you look for it," getting checked/insulted by border patrol, giggling/yell at Leonard, madly searching the iphone at all hours, nip slip in in-n-out bathroom, bonding like crazy... friendship heightened.

my last first day of school.

today was the last day of my last summer as college kid. w o a h.
it's weird when the moments that feel so far away are right in front of you, ready to be experienced. it feels like a game of hot potato. you wait for it to be your turn, and then once its in your hand you feel like dropping it. so nuts.

this summer has been close to one of the bests.
i spent loads of time with my family, friends and the outdoors.
i learned how to be alone with my thoughts, how to be quiet, and how to be still.
i intensely hunted down the illness i've been dealing with for nearly 6 years and almost have it beat - still healing. praise jesus.
i relished in the small things like feeding my nephews, walking my dog and sipping coffee slowly.
i deepened relationships with good friends, and had real good times doing so.
i again realized how incredible my family is, and what i vital part they play in my life and who i am.
i relied on my own strength and agenda, got burned, got lost, and ran as fast as i could back to God... never fully understanding why i left His side in the first place.
i was a part of the best day of my best friends life and got to cheer her on in her new marriage.
i got to test my skills both in writing and photography, stretched and grew greatly.
i ate good food, i laughed real hard, a drove with my windows down... i enjoyed my life.

i ultimately lived and truly learned. as weird as it sounds to think or type, it was the perfect way to end all my summers. it was good till the l a s t drop.

and now tomorrow is my last first day of school. so weird.
i can't wait to sit on those crusty bleachers with my best girls, perk up my ears to our pres DBC give a rousing charge at convocation, and start my final academic year with full lungs and an open mind.

all my bags are packed im ready to go...

but i'm really not ready to go.
i hate the end of summer. always. every time. never fails.
yes, there's always a part of me that's excited to get back to school, friends and my whole life there... but it never ceases to suck leaving my cozy home and cozy hearts.

even after four years, i still haven't adjusted to packing & unpacking my whole life in the back of my jeep biannually.

even after four years, i always get homesick after my parents leave me with all my possessions and life continues back home while i have to start from scratch again.

even after four years, i always forget how blessed i am to be part of my family, and how much i miss them when i am gone.

even after four years, i'm still not used to being a student... but i also don't want to get used to being a graduate and grown up like the rest of the world 9 months from now. hmm, problem.

well, i suppose its time to face the music.

left to do:
- one last dinner at my grandparent's house
- tetris-pack the crap out of my jeep
- finish my l a s t anthropology class
- say farewell to my beloved oregon until november

readyyyy? go.

This day in history...

My little brain works just like clockwork.
This exact day last summer this is what I was thinking, and wouldn't ya know it... 
its exactly what I'm thinking now. Ha, some things really never change.


"6days6days6days6days6days6days.

Crazy.

I'm in the list making stage.

Soon I will be in the frantically gathering and compulsive late night hanging out stage.

Yikes summer, why'd you have to let fall be a big creeper and hijack all our merriment?"


So hilarious.

nephew l o v e time

i got to paparazzi these bad boys for a few hours the other day... and it still wasn't enough.

i could hang with them all day long. such cool cats that just so happen to be related to me.  

and they also happen to be extremely handsome. love it.

dying to see more?

thought so.

>> click here <<

not a lot

not a lot to say these past few days.
except a few weird things.

i  checked my strep throat v-card.
BUT my dr. misdiagnosed and gave me meds that did NOT work, which led to ANOTHER dr.  correctly diagnosing. all in all resulting in prolonging of said illness. unwelcome silliness.
[strike 1]
i then proceeded to get strep throat.... on my face, i forgot what science calls, but thats legitimately what it is. its ridiculous and completely unsightly.
[strike 2]
i then proceeded to be a raging sickling for over a week.
[since l a s t tuesday to be exact - strike 3]

and am still nursing the remains of strep face and a wicked cough.

there were also a few good weird things.

i got to watch a lot of daytime tv and felt no shame.
although, did not become obsessed with tv or the internet. score.
i involuntarily lost 4 pounds.
had lots of time to perfect my fever reducing skills.
i now have a new found sense of adventure [stemming mostly from cabin fever]

summer time sickness happens to me like clockwork.
it's always my body telling me to chill out, since i rarely do.

i'm way chill so, can i go now? [ i think yes]
it's been a rough go. it w i l l go up from here.


p.s. i've been tweaking my site. take a peek or two.
www.rachelmccordphotography.com

pure g o o d n e s s.

tidbits of The Swell Season show. 

it was on tuesday and my soul is still melting. 

ugh, seriously so great.

thanks for the audible bliss. 

until next time my fine musical friends...