Cleaning my room/organizing the clutter just now I found my Christian Women's Issues class notebook from senior year and woah, blast from the past, in a great way.
I still want all of the same things, I am pursuing the same excellence of integrity, standing by the morals I established then, and exert the same amount of effort to insure that these things come to fruition. But, now... I don't need to write them down, think about them or discuss them; they are a part of me. I think that is the biggest thing I learned my senior year of high school, and looking back its the best thing that could've had instilled in me. I also have broader life experiences to base these ideals on. As opposed to then where they were more standards I set for myself, my life and those in my life. But now they are things I have tested and know to be true of me and those I involve in my life.
One of the most profound things I saw when flipping through this notebook was the classic "Things I want in my future husband" list, don't be shocked gentlemen, we have all made them. But when I made mine, I knew how ridiculous, lofty and unrealistic it sounded. Whether they were physical characteristics, personality traits or goals, I shot for the highest caliber of man I could imagine. Looking back on that tonight, I realize they weren't lofty or out of reach at all, I just didn't know how much I deserved these things in that man. Yeah, I may have longed for or hoped for those things, but it became apparent to me that wanting my husband to be both wildly attractive and the spiritual leader of the relationship were not too much to ask. I was actually surprised that not many things have changed besides my obsession with an accent, haha oh man...thats attractive and mysterious but would just get old after a while I would think.
Reflecting on where I am now, my heart is on overdrive. It has been stretched, is more full of love, compassion, enriching experiences and really sucky lessons learned the hard way... that lead to where I am now. It's insane how much a girl can change in 2 years. If I met me then, I don't know if I would like me...crazy. Yet another example of God's ridiculous all encompassing love. And the fact that he loves me too much to leave me where I am.
Can't wait to look back this time 2 years from now. It'll be a whole other story.
1 comment:
I love you... ah. That is so wonderful. I can't meet to meet your future husband, whoever he may be, he will be AWESOME and he will giggle with us all the time. Haha, so glad God loves us so much that he desires us to grow closer to Him. Great stuff my friend.
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