According to Walt...

BEAT! BEAT! DRUMS!

by Walt Whitman (1892)

BEAT! beat! drums! -- blow! bugles! blow!

Through the windows -- through doors -- burst like a ruthless force,

Into the solemn church, and scatter the congregation,

Into the school where the scholar is studying;

Leave not the bridegroom quiet -- no happiness must he have now with his bride,

Nor the peaceful farmer any peace, ploughing his field or gathering his grain,

So fierce you whirr and pound you drums -- so shrill you bugles blow.




Beat! beat! drums! -- blow! bugles! blow!

Over the traffic of cities -- over the rumble of wheels in the streets;

Are beds prepared for sleepers at night in the houses? no sleepers must sleep in those beds,

No bargainers' bargains by day -- no brokers or speculators -- would they continue?

Would the talkers be talking? would the singer attempt to sing?

Would the lawyer rise in the court to state his case before the judge?

Then rattle quicker, heavier drums -- you bugles wilder blow.




Beat! beat! drums! -- blow! bugles! blow!

Make no parley -- stop for no expostulation,

Mind not the timid -- mind not the weeper or prayer,

Mind not the old man beseeching the young man,

Let not the child's voice be heard, nor the mother's entreaties,

Make even the trestles to shake the dead where they lie awaiting the hearses,

So strong you thump O terrible drums -- so loud you bugles blow.

...beautifully spoken, sir. I need go make some loud noises now.

New

I feel as if I always want something new, and once I get it, I realize all I really wanted were for my old things to return bringing with them the cozy age that eases the mind and relaxes the soul.

I feel as if when I rub my sleepy eyes, once my hand leaves my lid that when I see light again it will be different. There will be change, there will be more vibrant color, a more pungent stench of life. But that newness has yet to be discovered in my particular sight.

I feel as if my desire for newness, is really the deepest crevice of my heart yearning for the old, the worn, the used, the tired, the usual. That this delicious treat of something fresh is far outweighed by the comfort and experience of the already been done.

I feel as if nothing is new anymore. I feel a sense of whimsy in this realization. That nothing is ever new, just reborn, renewed, revamped, restructured, rediscovered, recaptured and readored.

I feel as if the newness I desire, is a longing to reorder my own new and old. My own thoughts are being calmed by the reality found in the solidity of time and age.

Delicious.

Summer is delicious. I am about to head to Ashland with the best friend, the mother and the sister, to get bubble tea... one of my summer staples. Then we will return to my humble adobe to swim and laze about in the sun. And then maybe see a movie with the madre, and later chill with the friends and have a dinner/movie night. Also, I got a whole slew of new tunes today. Black Moth Super Rainbow, Eddie Vedder, some more Adele, some Jack Johnson collabo's, some Colbie Caillat collabo's, some more Radiohead, and Devendra Banhart. Ahh, summer...you are so scrumptious. I hope you have a tasty day as well, friend.

art eye candy of the day:

"Momento Mori" Solo by Stella Im Hultberg

It's not summer until you wash a car.

I washed 3 cars and a boat today. Yeah...it's summer.

Today even felt super summery.

Woke up, ate fruit, unveiled the Bayliner and proceeded to clean that sucker up, remembered I am allergic to mold, which infested it due to all the winter rain, enlisted Shane to help me clean, he did ever so nicely, washed my car, dad's car, mom's car, myself all while jivin to some great tunes, played with THE nephew, painted wooden letters for Tanner that will soon hang in Tanner and Lawson's room (which was great because I havn't painted in foreeever), sat outside, sat inside, made plans for one of my fave movies and late night pizza outting tonight.

See? Super summery.

p.s...i'm going to start doing 'art eye-candy of the day.'

by: Snik, a talented UK street artist. Affectionately called a 'first class mess maker'

Snippet of a super rad interview with him from Juxtapozed magazine:

How do you feel right now?
Dizzy, tired, but hyped. Haven’t had a good night’s sleep in about 2 weeks, and it’s not going to stop now.

If you could wake up in a different place tomorrow morning, where would it be and what would you do?
Melbourne, so I could go paint in the sun for once. The UK weather stinks; sunshine makes even the crappiest days seem good.

If you could punch one living contemporary artist, who would it be?
Damien Hirst. For all the crap he pumps into the art world.

Greatest love of your life?
Family. Without your family you haven’t got anything, no matter how sure you are you do. Nothing is as important, or special.

What is your favorite vice?
Drinking/painting in the sun.

The whole interview is great, actually. Check it out here: http://www.juxtapoz.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=6323&Itemid=121

R.I.P MJ

A,B,C...easy as 1,2,3, simple as Do, Re, Mi, ABC, 123, baby you and me girl!

RIP Prince of Pop. We will forever horribly attempt the Thriller dance and others amongst your easy to dance to musical numbers.

Ants in my Pants

Is how I feel right now. Itchin' for something.

This is the longest I've ever been without a job since I was 15, and it's starting to eat at me a bit, well....the ants are anyway.

I'm wondering what God is trying to teach me through this process. Humility? Patience? Determination? Faith? To chill out? Dunno yet.

My mom walked into my room a bit ago with a book of poetry I had written in 6th grade for a lit class. I will now share with you a bit of what my 11 yr old mind had to say.

5 Senses

Nervous is blue
It tastes like ice cubes
It sounds like a big drum
It smells like a cloud of smoke
It looks like a bee buzzing around
Nervous feels like its never going to stop.

Distraction is heavy
It tastes like vinegar and oil
It sounds loud and obnoxious
It smells like rotten eggs
It looks like a big rain cloud
Distraction feels like a person yelling in your ear.

Good work 6th grade, me. If only it was still this cut and dry.

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I could live on an island.
No people, no tv, no school, no responsibilities, no future to aspire to have necessarily, no sounds besides nature and the voice of God, no sights besides the beautiful endless ocean, and no scope of time besides the rising and setting of the sun...sometimes it sounds delicious.
But then I realize this would mean no fond memories to be made, no hugs, no laughter with loved ones, no music which inspires my heart and kicks my soul into gear, no holding hands besides my own, no passing of time which brings wisdom and experience, no pictures, no snowy evenings, no morning coffee, no midnight chats with mom or dad...and even more than sometimes, it sounds dreadful.

There have been more times in my life, now is one of those times, that I think about what lies ahead of me. I am a 20 yr old college student with the world at my fingertips. Great upbringing, amazing family, great education, servant of an amazing Savior, friend to many, love for many more, a desire to adventure and succeed...I can essentially do anything. Yet my mind spins around this concept of anything, leaving me feeling puzzled, overwhelmed, indecisive and unprepared for what that anything might be. I have so much left to learn, so many more places to go, so many more people to meet. There is always something more for me to push my mind to embrace. There is always something more for me to think, feel, learn, know and love. There is always...something.

My sometimes have now turned into always.

I have been alive 20 years.

Today, is the day I was born. I've been alive nearly a 1/4 of my life already. And even though today, I feel semi-grown up, I know that looking back on today 20 MORE years from now...I will giggle in the fondest of ways.

Ha, its funny that my first thought in writing this was derived from the Shannon Tierney 20th Birthday emotion explosion, that involved my dearest friend rolling on the ground of her dorm room yelling ''I don't wanna be a big girl.'' Love you Shan, you are my inspiration today, and my prayers will follow you all summer long on your adventure.

I've always been the baby. In my family, amongst my friends, at school and at work. I'm not complaining, being the baby has its perks. Like getting to blame things on those that are ''more wise, because of age'' than little old me. Also legitimately getting to learn from the successes and mistakes of those who have already experienced what I have yet to experience, was the greatest perk I can think of. Minus a few drawbacks, all in all, being the baby really is the best place to be.

Shoot, this year has definitely been one of the most telling years of my life thus far. Second year in college, easing into my major and finding my passion in that, growing more mature in the way I handle myself in various situations, working harder than I ever have, playing harder than I ever have, experiencing and enjoying God in new ways, being involved with a disgustingly great church family, growing deeper in my current relationships, and making new ones, trying new things, returning to old ones, and ultimately becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin, knowing who I am, how I got here, and where I should go now. Thanks 19, you've been a doll.

There's clearly no telling what year 20 will hold, but if its anything like 19, I will be a happy woman. I do know that as opposed to last year, this year I am already appreciating the blessings I have right now. Ignoring things that will leave me empty and wanting, and striving towards what I know and now will carry out to be beneficial and insanely good in my life.

Alright Jesus, another year...let's do this.

Music making time

So lately, I've been wishing I was more musically inclined. I love to sing, and do so often and I know that is a musical inclination in its own right, but I'm talking instrument status.

My dad is a killer pianist, or he was when he had time to be. And he always tried to teach my siblings and I because he loved it and wanted us to also. I was terrible of course, wasn't too fond of the whole reading music extravaganza and all those keys look exactly the same, plus my small hands made me fumble around the keys like a fool. But guess what, now I want to learn, go figure, right?

I also attempted clarinet in 6th grade ONLY because I wanted to do percussion but the bizarre band teacher told me to do clarinet first, to 'work my way up' to drums...ok what? I later learned she has a clarinet fetish, and that section was the biggest in the whole band and they had too many percussionists, awesome. Months of my life...wasted.

In high school I took a shot at the guitar and really liked it, but could never quite handle the whole strum patterns/singing at the same time business.

And one of my life long goals has always been to play the violin, that thing is beautiful. But I never saw myself doing it now. I always envisioned myself older, kids outta the house, rockin some sick silver hair, you know the drill. So I can't jump start that now, that's madness. I'm thinking guitar could work...hmm.

Long story short, amongst my other summer goals, being musical is now added to the ze list.

the need

I feel the need to smile at someone who looks upset, regardless if we are acquainted or not.

I feel the need to carelessly/intentionally clutter up my newly cleaned room.

I feel the need to jot down questions, thoughts or ideas. To nail em down right then.

I feel the need to sing. To just about every song I've ever heard.

I feel the need to speak. If no one is speaking and I have a thought or two.

I feel the need to rebel against the routines I have boxed myself into.

I feel the need to touch whatever surface I am walking by and let my fingers explore the texture.

I feel the need freeze moments of time. To capture them forever from behind a lens in order for our lives to keep on living through film.

I feel the need to express. Anything and everything.

I feel the need to reassure those who seem to be downtrodden.

I feel the need to at times, think, feel and act like a 9 year old.

I feel the need to listen. To the one longing to talk.

I feel the need to adventure, spontaneously seek, and intricately dissect the beauty around me.

I feel the need to create noise where there is silence.

I feel the need move. Keep my mind entertained with action.

I feel the need to delight the spaces around me. Decorating to stimulate and remind me of true beauty.

I feel the need to pray. Rapidly whenever I get in over my head, which is often.

I feel the need to serve. To assist those who cannot or choose not to assist themselves.

I feel the need to create. To transform things from ugly in their solitude, into something beautiful with a harmony of objects, images and materials.

I feel the need to praise. The God who redeemed me from death to eternal glory. Why? Because He loves me.

I feel the need to entertain. To bring joy to those around me by being myself.

I feel the need to dream. About extremely unrealistic circumstances. It puts fire in my belly.

I feel the need to push myself. To exert every option available in hopes of a more fulfilled life than one sitting on the sidelines.

I feel the need to appreciate. Everything in its own right.

I feel the need to cuddle. If I could live in a world where everyone cuddled all the time, I would. In a second.

I feel the need to learn. To enrich, to instill, to soak up all I can.

I feel the need to share. That which I have discovered with others, whether I am right or wrong.

I feel the need to include any who are excluded. Everyone deserves to be part of something.

I feel the need to love. Boundlessly, constantly, and without condition or regret.

I feel the need to arrive at that fateful day where I will need no more.

{...}

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like in silence.
Would I sing more? Would I create more plans, places to go, people to spend more time with?
Would I hear God more, or just pass my own selfish thoughts and inclinations as His divine voice? Would I put myself down, start picking myself apart? Would I live more closely to the Father in prayer?

I, by nature, am not a big fan of silence. It's not that it makes me feel uncomfortable, or that I think its of little importance...I just like noise. I love the sound of people's soft conversations in the distance, the sounds that waft through your ears when enjoying a starry night, the laughter of those I love, those lyrics of that song I know as if I had written it myself and singing all the right notes at all the right times, footsteps crunching and stomping on the earth, crackling fires and stirring critters; the sound of peaceful sleep, or the sound of memories being made. Its rejuvinating, its energizing, its glorious noise.

Am I letting my preference of sound overshadow the beauty of silence? Am I pushing aside something that I could be growing deeper in appreciation for and gain wisdom from?

I'm afraid that the only remedy for this paradox is to be silent. And I don't know if I want to find out the answers to these questions at that cost.

Growning up. Me? huh....

Cleaning my room/organizing the clutter just now I found my Christian Women's Issues class notebook from senior year and woah, blast from the past, in a great way.

I still want all of the same things, I am pursuing the same excellence of integrity, standing by the morals I established then, and exert the same amount of effort to insure that these things come to fruition. But, now... I don't need to write them down, think about them or discuss them; they are a part of me. I think that is the biggest thing I learned my senior year of high school, and looking back its the best thing that could've had instilled in me. I also have broader life experiences to base these ideals on. As opposed to then where they were more standards I set for myself, my life and those in my life. But now they are things I have tested and know to be true of me and those I involve in my life.

One of the most profound things I saw when flipping through this notebook was the classic "Things I want in my future husband" list, don't be shocked gentlemen, we have all made them. But when I made mine, I knew how ridiculous, lofty and unrealistic it sounded. Whether they were physical characteristics, personality traits or goals, I shot for the highest caliber of man I could imagine. Looking back on that tonight, I realize they weren't lofty or out of reach at all, I just didn't know how much I deserved these things in that man. Yeah, I may have longed for or hoped for those things, but it became apparent to me that wanting my husband to be both wildly attractive and the spiritual leader of the relationship were not too much to ask. I was actually surprised that not many things have changed besides my obsession with an accent, haha oh man...thats attractive and mysterious but would just get old after a while I would think.

Reflecting on where I am now, my heart is on overdrive. It has been stretched, is more full of love, compassion, enriching experiences and really sucky lessons learned the hard way... that lead to where I am now. It's insane how much a girl can change in 2 years. If I met me then, I don't know if I would like me...crazy. Yet another example of God's ridiculous all encompassing love. And the fact that he loves me too much to leave me where I am.

Can't wait to look back this time 2 years from now. It'll be a whole other story.

Rainy day love time

What is your current obsession?
Antiqueish things. Not exactly antique...just things that are old and unappreciated. Oh and seafoam. The color, its ridiculous

What is your weirdest obsession?
Men in flannel. Instant significant sex appeal increase.

What are you wearing today?
Dad's old blue flannel {duh}, belt, shorts, flats

What's for dinner?
I think leftover chicken rice and vegetables

What would you eat for your last meal?
Anything and everything

What's the last thing you bought?
Taco Bell. Best $2.28 ever spent

What are you listening to right now?
Rain outside, the musical stylings of Zee Avi and the Faja upstairs on a conference call. Oh, the sounds of home.

What is your favorite ice-cream flavour?
Tug of war between mint chocolate chip and cookie dough

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Yet another tug of war between Italy and Greece, oh or maybe Spain...shoot, I'll have to ponder that one

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Greece. Hands down

Which language do you want to learn?
Italian, and maybe French

What's your favorite quote (for now)?
"Most good things have been said far too many times and just need to be lived." shane claiborne.

What is your favorite colour?
Turquoise, Sea foam and Coral. Apparently my faves come in threes?

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?
Dark skinny jeans that I stole from my roommate, so perfect. Also a pashmina from Firenze, surprised that thing isn't thread by now...I've been wearing that little guy to death

What is your dream job?
Traveling editorial photographer. And if I don't nail that I'd settle for a fabulously desired artist or graphic designer

What's your favourite magazine?
Dwell, even though I have no house, and Nylon

If you had $500 now, what would you spend it on?
Summer wardrobe. Sweaters and jeans can only go so far...

Do you admire any one's style?
Sienna Miller, Lauren Conrad {I know, but the girls always cute} and Victoria Beckham

Describe your personal style?
Cozy, casual, accessorized, bright, easy, indie, interesting

What are you going to do after this?
Finish my tea, lay on the worlds MOST comfortable couch, and day dream

What are your favourite movies?
Moulin Rouge, The Darjeeling Limited, Across the Universe, Paris je t'aime...

What's your favourite fruit?
Pineapple

What inspires you?
Color, genuineness, passion, people being mistreated, adventure, hope

What is on the walls in your bedroom?
Odd looking paint, a few James Dean's and a mirror or two

Your favorite book?
Still looking

Do you collect something ?
Scarves. I have at least 25, and they seem to keep reproducing. Yes please

Shocking

I guess I forgot that I am a weird transition maker.
It always takes me longer to adapt to radical surrounding changes than I feel like it should.
Once I got home for summer, I was still in such a flurry of caffeine highs and all time lack of sleep lows...I was in restoration mode. Now that I'm a functioning human again I am bored out of my mind (huge overstatement, but you follow). Going from constant games of catch-up, homework, work, school, class, and friends to a house, in a neighborhood, with only a few friends in the area and family and NO job, NO homework, NO need to use focused brain power...I'm twitchingly anxious for something to do, ha understandably.

So far I'm working on the job sitch. Have a few leads, smoothie place, coffee place, restaurant, the usual. But I have a couple promising fun things that may fall into place, Lord willing. One would be possibly helping a woman start a high end retail and housewares business from scratch and the other would be a professional photographers assistant. Both way cool, way fun, way interesting, way better than putting liquids in cups and foods on plates...fingers crossed.

I also feel so old. I am aware that I am a baby and have only been out of high school for 2 years, but after going to my high school's graduation and seeing four of my cheerleaders that I spent so much quality time with graaaduate and move on to their last summer before going off to college and being big girls was so so weird. I felt like I was a 25 yr old that night, well aware of my 19 yr old state. It made me realize all the valuable like skills I have learned and things I have discovered about myself and how to adapt to different things and just really how far I've come since that night just 2 years ago.
I texted one of my best guy friends who was also at the grad saying something like,"hey...remember how 2 years ago today we thought we were so fantastic smoking cigars and hottubbing talking about our futures, now nothing could top high school and how awesome it all was in general? We had no idea what laid ahead." We were just a couple of silly little kids trying to figure ourselves out, feeling so grown up and now looking back I realize I am still such a youngin with so much further to go. And I'm peeing my pants in excitement to approach the rest of what will mush together to compile my life.

With that said, I am no longer as anxious about summer, I think I needed that perspective to force myself to chill out, make a plan and just let the chips fall where they may. And make a fab summer LIST! Obviously.

Such as {ah-hem...}

+ Music. hand waiving, body shaking, mind mellowing, bootylicious music
+ Extended periods of intentional laziness
+ Camping, hiking, kayaking, wakeboarding, dancing, bbqing....all the good 'ings really
+ Mass amounts of McCord bonding time {sure to include random family projects that will suck, but later be hilarious and worthwhile}
+ LOTS of art making. Not for a grade, not influenced by any professors, just for the sake of creating. Yes pleeease.
+ Disgusting amounts of friendship time, Sonic happy hours, pool lounging and late night adventuring
+ Counseling at West Main's church camp :) :) :) Love, love, love junior highers. Stoked.
+ Working, at whatever fabulous job my main man JC throws my way
+ Too much picture documentation {secretly not enough documentation}
+ And generally a summer I hope to be filled with lessons learned, stories shared, and days filled with love and compassion.

Yowza, here we go.