With that said, I have been feeling very stagnant lately. In my emotional life, relationships, enthusiasm for school, goals, the future, my spiritual life...pretty much all of it. I was talking with my dear friend, Amy, about this at our glorious lunch today, and she said something that made a lot of sense. She basically said, yeah this happens, its gonna be sucky for a while, but its a necessary step towards getting that movement back in your life. Amy is very wise, that is one of the many reasons she is one of my very best friends. So that made things on the relationship front wiggle around a little, but only a bit because of this craziness in my heart right now.
But I am still feeling really...stuck. I just want to jump around and scream in hopes to somehow understand why I feel this way, but that never seems to do the trick.
I'm feeling like nothing I am thinking is original or even my own thought. I'm feeling like everything/one around me is moving and clicking and working and my feet are just stuck in the ground, nearly incapable of movement despite my desire to move. I know this is unrealistic and everyone stuggles just as much and I'm sure more than I do, but this is the first time in a long while that I have felt almost useless and little vague in my own life. That is not intended to be as dramatic as it sounds, but you get it. I'm at the point now where I am starting to analyze, which is never a good thing in my brain because it's almost never constructive. Tonight at Missions Conference, George Verwer spoke a powerful message and ended with this passage and a challenge to not be lukewarm, which sounds very 'Christiany' but it wasn't.
Revelation 3:14-22...emphasis added.
"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation.
I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.
I wish you were either one or the other!
So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.'
But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.
I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich;
white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent.
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock.
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.
who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation.
I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.
I wish you were either one or the other!
So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.'
But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.
I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich;
white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent.
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock.
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.
who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."
I don't know if God is shaking me yet, I think it's more of a nudge, but He's getting there. I'm ready to crack my feet out of the cement and do this thing.
1 comment:
I've felt the same way... sometimes still do...
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