Sunday, February 7, 2010

{exclaim}ations


as i biked home from class the other day, i saw an opportunity to take a great shot and happened to have my camera with me. instead of stopping to take the shot, i rode on.

this happened two or three times until i stopped and took the shots i had missed and rode around for a while longer, snapping away.
it was exhilarating to feel my feet pumping beneath me, my eyes frantically wandering, forming compositions in my anxious little mind as my camera bobbled and dangled from my neck.

why didn't i do so earlier when i felt inclined? i asked myself the same thing.
then it occurred to me... because i was already preoccupied and was on my way, focused on something else.
after i stopped and thought about it i realized... i do this a lot.

why? i have yet to fully understand. but i discovered i make up perfectly good reasons not to do something i want to do. {what?! this makes no sense to me}

like the other day it was rainy and i was flustered because i knew all my clothes and self would get wet as i entered into the rain.
again, so what? what's the worst that will happen? i'll get wet. big deal, i'll dry.

in another instance, i was invited to a dinner for a dear friend at which i knew maybe five people who were there within the big slew of people.
and i thought about not going. why? because i didn't know many people there and might feel awkward. stupid rach, that's stupid.
So what?! what's the worst thing that will happen? i'll meet new people and have interesting & fun conversations and be at dinner with people i love and new people i like?

silly. my organic logic is flawed, i fully realize it & kick myself every time.

the great part is, once i do the things i for whatever reason try to talk myself out of, they are always opportunities i was so pleased to have taken. and each time i grow a step closer to being the adventurous self that i know i am, but convince myself i'm not.

odd. so stinking odd.

this little battle with myself was affirmed even more by God's enduring promise to bless us when we step out in faith.
while angela and christina and i were driving back from a jaunt to pasadena in the rain yesterday, THE most beautiful, perfectly arched and radiantly colorful rainbow stretched over the 605 & we drove under it.
seriously, the most beautiful awe inspiring sight i've seen in a while. i had my camera in the back seat and grabbed it without even thinking as i was driving, {sorry dad, i'm still a conscious driver, promise} and snapped as many shots as i could.
finally, i did what i felt i wanted to, in the moment, without an excuse.
this shot doesn't even come close to doing it justice, but it was very significant moment for me.



it was yet another affirmation of my desire to savor life, yank at its opportunities and stretch my horizons to include every excitement drenched moment i can.

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in other news:

high school girls are uh.maz.ing. after doing a purity/dating focused bible study with some of my churches high schoolers yesterday, i have never had more respect for any 15 year olds. such great girls, such great word i got to share, such an important thing for them to grasp {and they've got it down solid}

sang at church this morning. i feel like i'm floating whenever i am blessed to assist in leading worship, god's pleasure & presence were radiant this morning. holler. so good to be back at mosaic whittier. so good.

one week down of the new semester and i am giddy. this semester is already 12 times easier in comparison to the challenges of last semester. no mono, no web design, no drama, no discouragement. just a fresh start, super interesting classes {all art by the way. such a dream}, and cultivating relationships. i've said it once and i'll say it again - i've got a good feeling about this one.

well, i'm off to attempt to keep in step with the superbowl as i tote my cinnamon brownies along to share with the entertainment-hungry gang.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow. you have got to be the most mature 20 year old I know (at least I think your 20, could be wrong:)
Glad you have found things you are passionate about.