this time

and then i walked home.

a walk i had taken many times before, but this time was different.

this time i was greeted by to cold shoulder of winter, not the warm kiss of summer...

like i used to.

this time i wore a coat with hands in pockets, not bare shoulders with hands laced in another's...

like i used to.

this time i did not carry on a conversation half mumbled under love-drunken smiles...

like i used to.

this time i did not pause at the door while exchanging prolonged goodbyes...

like i used to.

this time i did not linger a second longer to catch one last glimpse and smile to myself before stepping inside...

like i used to.

this time i walked home without the warmth of another.

this time i recounted all the other walks in my mind, each stride reviving another memory.

this time i had no words, they could not fight their way out to face the cool night air.

this time i breathed deeply, focusing on each step i took forward, and each step i left behind.

this time i lingered a second longer to catch one last glimpse and smiled to myself, longing after what i once had, as i stepped yet again forward out of what i had lost, and into what is to come.

and then i was home.