There are many things I could and probably should be doing right now, but I'm just not motivated to. It feels like when you're about to dive into a jump rope or double dutch session, you just can't seem to find the right time or strength to hop in. Partly because you don't want to get slapped in the head with the rope, but mostly because you don't want to get tripped up, tangled or flustered.
Hmm, I can't really put a finger on why I'm feeling this way lately, but I definitely know that it's weird and that I don't want to be in the audience of my own life. I feel like maybe it's because everything in my life at this point is bound by a tight schedule, and I don't think I'm really a schedule type person. I feel like I need to step outside of the limitations I have on my life and just get away, but that's totally not an option right now.
I also feel like the things that are occupying my time are very lukewarm. For instance, my job - yes it pays, but it also takes a lot from me personally and I don't know how much longer I can be drained by it. My classes - yes they are good, but they are getting pretty discouraging, art is kinda tough right now and I'm starting to wonder if I'm cut out for it. I really want to be because I really enjoy it, but I feel so silly sometimes. My friends - are wonderful, but I don't get to spend time with them as much as I would like to because school is taking over all of our lives lately. My spiritual life - is being enriched by my classes yes, but is getting overshadowed and even diminished by all this commotion going on.
Man, I did'nt realize how much I had to whine about. I'll try to take that down a notch. And hmm, well I'll just try to find a way to spice up my life. And also make time of nothingness to just...be.
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