why do i keep waiting? i know i'm not patient...

The sky glows
I see it shining when my eyes close
I hear your warnings but we both know
I'm gonna look at it again

Don't wait, don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
...

The lights will flash and fade away,
The days will pass you by
Don't wait

I know what you are thinking, but I am not a poet. However, my beloved Chris Carrabba (Dashboard Confessional) is indeed.
I've been thinking lately about my constant mindset of waiting. I keep thinking that my life will start at a certain point, and that is the time when I will start living passionately. For some reason, the trigger hasn't gone off in my mind that I am ready to start living and stop waiting.

It's crazy, because I keep thinking, "Oh, well when I start high school, when summer comes, when I go to college, when I meet that guy, when I get married, when I have kids...THAT is when I'll start living, that is when my life means something, and that is when I will truly live."
I realize this quite often, and am puzzled by my own inclination to hold back and wait for a major event in life to kick into high gear and really live the way I know I can, and want to.

While I was getting ready this morning and listening to the melodious musical stylings of Mr. Carrabba, a daily routine...I noticed once again that I am waiting. It seriously confuses me (which is silly and means I am confusing myself, whole other issue) and I am so torn as to why I continue to hold back.

The phrase, "To lay your armor down" hit me differently today. Am I putting up some sort of armor that keeps me from living the life I desire? Is there some kind of weird barrier that I keep trying to get past but can't seem to? And then at the end of the song, "The lights will flash and fade away, the days will pass you by, don't wait."

I recently had a birthday, 19 woo hoo! Not really, most things are still illegal for me to participate in and the only milestone for me to cross now is the last year of being a teenager. Something interesting happened this birthday, I didn't feel inspired to start living. I didn't feel that sense of holding back and the need to just get out there and do something. It was strange, and I didn't really know what to make of the whole thing. For some reason, that little thing called waiting...isn't really a part of me anymore. I'm ready to live my life, which sounds more dramatic than I actually mean it to, but you get the idea.

Moral of the story = listening to Dashboard will most likely result in major life changes.