It's days like today that make me feel grown up.

Sigh, my roommate and some friends are at the beach. While I just got out of class, will write a paper, go to dinner and then go to another class till 10. I wish I could just blow it all off, be the 19 year old that I am, and go play in the sun and waves, without a care.

On days like today, I get a very small taste of being an adult will be like, it tastes gross.

I'm turning 20 this summer (which is still such a baby age) but it feels big. I can't lean upon the, "Oh, I'm a teenager, an adolescent, I'm supposed to make stupid decisions and be lazy." Farewell excuses. It's hard for me to think past my current lifestyle. It's hard to imagine a life of no grades, but job performance reviews. A life with no summers, but a life of 9-5 all year round. A life with no dorm rooms, papers, late night studying and late night parties. A life where I am not surrounded by fantastic people, enriching my life and bringing me joy. A life where I have every option open to me. A life full of thought, doctrine, events, community, spiritual development and vibrancy of life.

I am foreseeing it now. I will have a mental breakdown after graduation. What's next?

All I can seem to do is focus on now, fast forwarding is too stressful for my college sized brain to ponder. I'm not sure if this is the most effective method of dealing with my life, but currently its working to my advantage, I suppose.

Speaking of, it's time to be a grown up. Homework time.