timeout.

it never fails.

i overbook//overstress//overcommit//overanalyze//& overwhelm myself during the last leg of the semester. i never take time to sit and relax.

n e v e r fails.

in addition to the stress of school-work-church-friends-events-life there is a chapel requirement. like most other biola students, i put off and cram like a Catholic at daily mass towards the end because we slacked off for most of the semester.

today there was a chapel called Sabbathing which is three hours long = 3 chapel credits. an obvious score.

i'd gone to Sabbathings before and they were fine, a little over an hour of quiet reflection followed by group reflection, debreif, scripture and prayer. that's fine, that's nice.

but today it was g r e a t.
my tired & jumbled little self really really needed it.
even though the first 20 minutes of the hour i was going through a mental checklist of all the other things i had to do, or could be doing instead of sitting in silence... when do i ever sit down for more than 10 minutes without feeling rushed/guilty i'm not being productive/ or stressed? God broke me & my schedule today.

i realized, again, that i put myself in a cycle of over-productivity followed by overstimulation, followed by overwhelming stress.
God busted that wide open today. halle to the lujah.

"Fear not for I have redeemed you; 

I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; 

and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; 

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, 

and the flames shall not consume you.

For I am the Lord your God, 

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, 

I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.

Fear not, for I am with you."

Isaiah 43:1-5

i am just one person, trying to do a million things by myself... no wonder i can't seem to manage. i hate being by myself, i need interaction and i need people.
so why do i choose to do everything by myself instead of asking for help or strength?
who knows. but i keep doing it, its stupid.

all i know is i just pressed a restart button on my semester. my l a s t fall semester.
its go time.
i'm gonna make it.
thanks Jesus.