realizing

i'm realizing things lately that i thought i already knew but didn't quite grasp.
that's an unsettling feeling - discovering something you thought was already true to you.
things about myself, things about what i want and how to get there, things about the core of what the heck i'm trying to do. and i'm still realizing, which makes me doubt it all entirely.

these are things i should not just now be realizing.

there's no ticking clock for them, but i just figured i was already past them, and apparently i'm not quite yet. odd.
all i can seem to do is take these waves of information in strides, bending and turning as my mind wraps around them and squeezes tight.
i'm realizing growing up has no charts, graphs, expectations or averages as to how you're supposed to do it.

i'm both rejuvenated and terrified of this fact.
but that won't stop me from realizing. realizing and adapting.
woah.