I have the desire to be...

transparent.

i'm working on it. it's awkward to be honost at times.
here's to giv'n it my best shot.
ready? go.

You've must've fallen from the sky.

Yet another friend of mine is now engaged. Attending the school notoriously known for "ring by spring" this should not be a foreign concept to me, but it shocks me every time. Maybe I am just way to immature or selfish at this point in my life to be thinking about sharing my life with another person, or God just hasn't finished being the only man in my life yet, but whenever I hear of a new couple on the marriage path, it floors me.

I have been reading a bit through good ol' song of solomon lately. Not from the romantic side, but from God speaking to me as his beloved and me attempting to recieve that level of intimate love with Him. Anyways, today when I read this it was a huge source of peace for me. It was as if God was saying, "Rachel...calm the heck down. You are not even 2o, you are young, you are busy growing up and figuring out your life, please don't try to figure out the man thing, I've got that covered, it'll happen when it happens and it will blow your mind." What a load off. Not to say that I always think about this, quite the opposite, but its always encouraging when the Big Guy give me a little tap on the shoulder and a whisper in the ear that everything will be perfect, in due time. Take a gander at the passage that chilled me out...

Song of Solomon 3:1-5

¹ All night long on my bed
I looked for the one my heart loves;
I looked for him but did not find him.

² I will get up now and go about the city,
through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
So I looked for him but did not find him.

³ The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
"Have you seen the one my heart loves?"

⁴ Scarcely had I passed them
when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go
till I had brought him to my mother's house,
to the room of the one who conceived me.

⁵ Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

Ze Chair.

Donezo. Finally this project is finished (insert sigh of relief).

Assignment was... make a chair to the scale of a 5 yr old, after the style of a particular art movement/artist using repeating patterns, 3 dimensional objects and your own style in addition to the style of the artist chosen, oh and must support 40 pounds.

My artist... Salvador Dali after his piece Melting Clock at Moment of First Explosion (below)

Some wise words from the old chap I discovered while researching his work...

“The only thing that the world will not have enough of is exaggeration.”

“There is only one difference between a madman and me - The madman thinks he is sane - I know I am mad.”

"I don't do drugs. I am drugs."

Thanks Salvador, that's nuggets of gold right there.

Back to it, here is my Dali-esque chair/sculpture:

Had my crit today, seemed to go over well. People especially liked that the rocker went side to side as opposed to front to back, and also the way the clocks were constructed. Also, my professor stated that I harnessed, interpreted and recreated Dali very well.

Phew, now nap time.

woah.

quiet my heart and still my mind
help me to see through your eyes
help me to see
help me to feel
help me to know that you are real
lengthen my moments
fix my gaze
help me to understand the ways
that you reveal
that you heal
that you melt this heart of steel

that is exactly what the Holy Spirit told me in the shower yesterday.

woah.

"Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me..."

Current things I am giddy about:

(please by sympathetically excited)

• The really awesome benefit concert I just worked at for my awesome friend Michelle who is going to Malawi this summer (hence, benefit concert)
• The really awesome friend bonding time that occurred there, and after.
• Mosaic's (my church) art gallery opening for the junior highers tomorrow night!
• The celebration of Lizard's birthday tomorrow :)
  
• BROOKE'S WEDDING! May 9th, holler. Peeing my pants excited.
• Applying for a study abroad art program in...wait for it, GREECE (eeeek!)
• Summer, only 4 weeks away, bliss.
• "Till Kingdom Come" - Coldplay...Blog title contains lyrics. They are so spectac.
  
• Spending the weekend (possibly) in Catalina for Memorial day
  
• LAWSON BOYCE MCCORD'S 1st birthday ever!
• "Dreams" - The Cranberries. Why is that song so ridiculously exciting?
• That I will be a happy APARTMENT liver next semester with Shannon stinkin Tierney.
• Also, Lucas Samaras (below) is a crazy schizophrenic/really freaking legit artist.

Color me excited, gang.

It helps to be extra excited about the little things in a time where there are too many things to think about that are not exciting or stressful. Thanks for excitement Jesus, you are tremendous.

It's days like today that make me feel grown up.

Sigh, my roommate and some friends are at the beach. While I just got out of class, will write a paper, go to dinner and then go to another class till 10. I wish I could just blow it all off, be the 19 year old that I am, and go play in the sun and waves, without a care.

On days like today, I get a very small taste of being an adult will be like, it tastes gross.

I'm turning 20 this summer (which is still such a baby age) but it feels big. I can't lean upon the, "Oh, I'm a teenager, an adolescent, I'm supposed to make stupid decisions and be lazy." Farewell excuses. It's hard for me to think past my current lifestyle. It's hard to imagine a life of no grades, but job performance reviews. A life with no summers, but a life of 9-5 all year round. A life with no dorm rooms, papers, late night studying and late night parties. A life where I am not surrounded by fantastic people, enriching my life and bringing me joy. A life where I have every option open to me. A life full of thought, doctrine, events, community, spiritual development and vibrancy of life.

I am foreseeing it now. I will have a mental breakdown after graduation. What's next?

All I can seem to do is focus on now, fast forwarding is too stressful for my college sized brain to ponder. I'm not sure if this is the most effective method of dealing with my life, but currently its working to my advantage, I suppose.

Speaking of, it's time to be a grown up. Homework time.

The Rundown.

Spring Break 09:

-Birthday party for brother
-Good ol' Pear Blossom Parade
-Easter Sunday, overeating, community naps, and Jesus
-Breakfast burritos and life talks with sister
-Thrift store hunting/treasure finding
-Stupid movie watching with the boys
-Lots of Lawson Boyce McCord...which is never enough
-Photo shoot and frolicking in an orchard with the beautiful Brooke
-Breakfasts, lunches and dinners with mi familia whom I love ever so dearly
-America's Next Top Model marathon (don't judge, its addicting/Tyra Banks' ego astounds me)
-Best friend sleepovers, lemonade, hot tubbing and late night chats
-Not adjusting to the cold/still wearing flip flops everywhere
-Sleep, and lots of it
-Frantically getting my parents involved in my art project, gotta love Dad's power tools
-Solid attempts at starting homework, even more success at neglecting homework all together
-Other best friend Bachelorette party, dirty pictionary, and scandalous skivvies
-Backyard hot dog roast, s'mores, good tunes, good people and general pre-summer merriment

Back to school, 5 more weeks and its summerlicious.

Little pieces of home.

Here is a bit of the scrumptious love time I have been gobbling up this week.

nephew love time.

best friend love time.

sister love time.

NATURE love time.

picture love time.

Do yourself a favor. Go frolic in the (semi) wilderness today. It will soothe your tired soul.

Thrift Store Treasures

There's something great about thrift stores. I am always tempted to buy loads of trinkets that I don't need just because "ooo, those would look awesome in my apartment...or house....that I don't have" depressing, exactly. So, I refrain until I have house payments to make.
But, I did find a super rad quilted vest for 2 bones today. Quilted and vest should never be in the same sentence, I know...but its awesome, you would like it. That wasn't at all what I was in search of when embarking upon my thrifty afternoon, but hey as my roommate would say "it was SUCH a deal!" Shout out Ang, you're rubbing off on me..satisfied? Thought so.

Day 5 of spring break...still goin strong. And it'll only get better, I assume. Yum.

Breath deep...aaaaaand let it out.

Ahh, here I am. On my couch, by the fire with my family just in the other room, melting with relaxation. I took a two hour nap today, can't even pretend to remember the last time that happened. My brother's birthday, Pear Blossom Parade, Easter Sunday, relaxing day at home, lots of hang out time to come and my best friend's bachelorette party to wrap up the break this week...JUST what I have been craving. Home. Aside from having laryngitis, and sounding like a tobacco loving Lauren Conrad, being home as been chicken soup for the soul, mmm mmm goood.

I had a huge blessing last week. In the midst of my one-track mind of spring break this past week, I had lots to do and not much time or energy to do so. In the flurry of my life, I completely let a Theology paper and exam slip through the cracks. An hour before my Theology class, I receive an email from my professor stating that the exam and the 12 page paper had been pushed back until after spring break. THANK YOU Jesus. You gave me that one on a silver platter. Right when I needed it.

Jesus never ceases to amaze me. From the inconceivable sacrifice that saved my soul and won my heart, to to amazing mercy he extends through something as simple as an extra week for a deadline. I serve a miraculous and insanely loving God. I'm blown away more today by Him than the very first time we met. I wouldn't have it any other way.

p.s... this is great, please love it.