Itchin' for some artwork

The past couple of days, I've just been wishing I had a house (of my own) that I could decorate and fill with goodies. Maybe it's the fact that my sister keeps getting Pottery Barn magazines aaand I keep looking at them, or I'm just eager to have place of my own, who knows. The point is that I want some art. I want some legit artsy art that I can put up in my own place and just drown the walls with funk and obscurity. I want to have a place that you walk into and just know its mine without having to ask any questions, but just look around my house to figure me out.

When I was in Europe last summer with my fam we went to tons of museums and there really are loads of awesome art out there that I wanna score a piece of. Degas was my favorite artist after much deliberation. Monet and Van Gogh were runner ups for sure, but I thought Degas would look rad in my new (fictional, remember) house.

Maybe that's why I wanna be an art major? Not to copy cat the greats or anything, but to somehow recreate their creations after being jumbled in my mind and then redistributed to something resembling art. Eh, who knows, maybe someone will be itchin' for some of my art someday... I can only hope. Till then, I'll settle for someone else's.

Oh shoot, what am I doing with my life?

Yuck. Why am I so decisive when it comes to a pair of shoes or a movie, but when it comes to major life choices...I'm absolutely awful! It's because I like to think I'm waaay smart about my decisions that don't mean anything, to cover up my serious life decision making skills. Yeah, I know, no bueno.

Where does all this decision evaluation come from? I'm switching my major, again, but instead of from undeclared to Biblical Studies, its from Biblical Studies to undeclared...tricky huh? The more I think about being a Bible major the more I find myself saying "really? really...wait really?" And that's never a good sign with me because that usually means I did something silly.

I think I chose to major in Bible because I love the Lord, the Bible and want to share that with others, but first be educated to do so. But the truth is, I know I am going to have that same passion regardless of what profession I choose, so why spend thousands of dollars on something I am already planning and wanting to do, instead of learning an actual skill that I can use to glorify God.

So what do I plan to do now, you ask? Well, good question... I don't really know. Art my be an option, Journalism may be an option, shoot Psych may even be an option. The truth is, I really don't know where I'm going, and I think I like it that way.

Sono imparare l'italiano.

(Above is a little bit of Venice, Italy my FAVORITE city in the world!)

It's true, I'm learning Italian. My mom is fluent and awesome because she lived in Italy for 11 years while she was growing up, and still teaches Italian classes, you should take her class... I am! haha.
It's pretty ridiculous I have lived all these years without knowing Italian. My brother and sister both spent a year abroad in Florence, Italy in college so they still remember a bit. My grandparents are mostly fluent as well...as you can see I am waaaay behind the norm in this fam.
So, I'm learning Italian this summer so that when I go back to Italy (eventually) I will be able to speak with the greatest of ease, and in the mean time, it's just a beautiful language that I am eager to learn!
All I can really speak at this point are things like, where are you going? What's your name? Where are you from? and I would like a small gelato, please! (Ok, that one really happened in Italy, but still I know how to say it, haha)
Oh, just you wait, I'll be rattling off Italian lingo in no time!

thunderstorms...yes, please!

Ok, so who doesn't love a good thunderstorm? It's entertaining to watch something so powerful look so awesome at the same time. And if they are summer storms, like the one today, they're even better. I mean really, it's pretty rad when its still a solid 100 degrees outside and raining and storming like a beast. We have a lavender plant in front of my house, and I could smell it before I even made it to the front door, all that heat and water made it fume, it was glorious.

It's weird, I think I'm a big fan of things that are a little bit backwards. I've discovered a trend in my own behavior and tastes that I enjoy things that are just a little bit off. Like crazy summer thunderstorms, eating soup on a hot day, wearing flip flops in the snow, eating cereal for dinner and cold pizza for breakfast, reading only portions of different books simultaneously and never finishing them, and for some reason not really anxious to see how any of them end. It's weird, I almost find ways to make things a little backwards, just to kind of make it my own. I realize now that these are silly examples, but eh....what does it matter?

why do i keep waiting? i know i'm not patient...

The sky glows
I see it shining when my eyes close
I hear your warnings but we both know
I'm gonna look at it again

Don't wait, don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
...

The lights will flash and fade away,
The days will pass you by
Don't wait

I know what you are thinking, but I am not a poet. However, my beloved Chris Carrabba (Dashboard Confessional) is indeed.
I've been thinking lately about my constant mindset of waiting. I keep thinking that my life will start at a certain point, and that is the time when I will start living passionately. For some reason, the trigger hasn't gone off in my mind that I am ready to start living and stop waiting.

It's crazy, because I keep thinking, "Oh, well when I start high school, when summer comes, when I go to college, when I meet that guy, when I get married, when I have kids...THAT is when I'll start living, that is when my life means something, and that is when I will truly live."
I realize this quite often, and am puzzled by my own inclination to hold back and wait for a major event in life to kick into high gear and really live the way I know I can, and want to.

While I was getting ready this morning and listening to the melodious musical stylings of Mr. Carrabba, a daily routine...I noticed once again that I am waiting. It seriously confuses me (which is silly and means I am confusing myself, whole other issue) and I am so torn as to why I continue to hold back.

The phrase, "To lay your armor down" hit me differently today. Am I putting up some sort of armor that keeps me from living the life I desire? Is there some kind of weird barrier that I keep trying to get past but can't seem to? And then at the end of the song, "The lights will flash and fade away, the days will pass you by, don't wait."

I recently had a birthday, 19 woo hoo! Not really, most things are still illegal for me to participate in and the only milestone for me to cross now is the last year of being a teenager. Something interesting happened this birthday, I didn't feel inspired to start living. I didn't feel that sense of holding back and the need to just get out there and do something. It was strange, and I didn't really know what to make of the whole thing. For some reason, that little thing called waiting...isn't really a part of me anymore. I'm ready to live my life, which sounds more dramatic than I actually mean it to, but you get the idea.

Moral of the story = listening to Dashboard will most likely result in major life changes.

blogging, indeed.

Well, here we are or here I am...blogging. I'm pretty sure that in the back of my mind I've always wanted to, but didn't want to turn into one of those bloggers who writes pure sillyness like everything they had to eat that day and the most intimate details of their life at every given moment.
So, I will try my best to not become the blogging stereotype that I dislike and instead will share with you my life so far, or at least the cool parts that I feel comfortable enough sharing with you and all of cyberspace.
You should know that I tend to have word vomit, I never really stop talking even when I'm not saying anything my mind still reeling. The benefit of you reading my thoughts before they actually get formulated into speech, is that I won't talk too fast so that you can't understand me and I have to repeat myself or start over because my tongue couldn't keep up wth my brain. My fingers will do the walking and you will be thankful, I'm sure.
Welp, cheers to blogging.