i think i can, i think i can, i think i can...

... i think.

once again, my life is so busy that its stupid.
and i've learned one thing from all of it - i can do whatever i set my mind to. seriously.

there hasn't been one project, one idea, one job that i've had the inspiration to do that turned out horribly. everything i've tried - i've completed. everything i've thought up - i've made into physical form.

this is something i've never sat down and thought about. and once i did, it blew my mind.
i've been so blessed with the opportunities i've had and the inspirations i've been given.

and the encouragement from my peers, my professors, my colleagues at work, my bosses at my internships, my family and even my friends who have no idea about what the heck i'm making... makes a  world of difference.

the positive reinforcement i've been receiving is the biggest motivator i have to keep going. even when my little brain is empty and inspiration is dry.

its making me realize more and more how invested i am & how energized i become when i'm part of a community.

so even in the midst of midterm-mayhem, i think i can... so therefore i can. PTL.

p.s... pictures of what i've been slaving over these days are soon to come.

This day in [my] history...

Every once and a while I skim through my old blog posts from previous years.
I always peek and see if there is one I wrote on the same day on which I'm browsing.
It's always so interesting to reflect who I was, what I was thinking about and what I was feeling months ago or even years ago.

So today [in 2009] this is what I was thinking... and I haven't changed a bit.

_____________________________________

It's days like today that get me super pumped for heaven.

I didn't have a particularly bad day today, just an average day.

A day like a million other days I've spent, living my life, day to day.

Because it's all I've ever known how to do.

I just can't wait for the fact that in heaven I won't ever wake up tired.

I won't ever have to do homework, take tests or go to class.

I won't ever have to work, save money to buy things, or to even have to deal with the whole mess of money in general.

I won't ever have to say goodbye to the ones I care about. Just have continuous conversations.

I won't ever have to get sick, be late, or have to apologize for something I've done or haven't done.

I won't ever have to impress anyone or feel guilty about the things I'm not doing that I should be doing.

I won't ever judge anyone or look down upon those I subconsciously deem lesser than myself. 

I won't ever get cold, get lost while driving somewhere, stutter because I talk way too fast, or have to do my hair.

I won't ever have to fool others into thinking I'm smart, cool, hip or whatever it is I'm trying to prove at one time or another.

I won't have to read about celebrities and deem the ridiculous things they do as a point of interest.

I won't have to just sit and wonder what in the world I'm supposed to do with my life. It will be done, I will have learned, I will be content, and I will be relieved.

I'll never have to be anywhere other than in the presence of God and do nothing but praise the crap outta Him.

And it's day's like today that I can't wait to meet Jesus.

bad day.

you know when you have one of those days when lots of tiny tragic things keep happening that by themselves - not a big deal, but when you put them all together you feel like you're going crazy?

i had one of those days today.
not a fan.

all thats left to do is snuggle my worries away on the couch, eat ice cream and watch old episodes of project runway, and hope the rest of the world stays away.

hope you had a happier monday than i, friends.

watch this, seriously.

most beautiful thing i have laid eyes on in quite some time.
[ i watched it three times in a row, couldn't get enough]

Dark Side of the Lens by Astray Films



breathtakingly gorgeous, right? yep.

happy thursday, friends.

boo hoo hoo.

6 weeks till tgive 2010.

missing my family lots these days.

 soon i will be home for a blissful w e e k of relational love.

being the only mccord in california wears on you after a while.

big day.

today i decided what i will create for my senior show.

(!!!)

which is pretty much the most important thing i will ever do in my undergraduate career and will be my first professional body of work which i will use as a portfolio builder to launch myself into the world.

and today i decided what im going to do & how i'm going to do it.

it felt surreal to finally be at the place i've been daydreaming of since sophomore year.
but i'm beyond excited to get started and make work that i'm passionate about for no other reason than my desire to make something beautiful & meaningful for others to look at.

just hope my thoughts translate well into physical form. i suppose we shall see at my show come spring! so excited.

p.s... please come see it, okay? okay.

tuition dollars paying off

since i've been chatting so much about how out of control my schedule is... i thought i'd show you why.

my second home is mcnally 82: the art lab.

i spend more time here than i do in my apartment these days.

but i don't mind looking like this, if my work looks like this. 

here's some tidbits of projects i've been working on in my advanced photo classes & at work:

large format 4x5 film camera with natural lighting 

printed digitally; triptych format (3 images)

large format 4x5 film camera & studio strobe lighting

35mm film camera layering of multiple negatives

(digital version, darkroom version still to come)

trying my hand in sports photography for work at the biolan.

so much different than what i'm used to shooting, definitely still rusty but learning.

i seriously learn something critically important everrrry day. 

all photo, all the time. nuts. great. love it.

oh.... hey.

yikes. its been quite a while since i've been able to sit down and blog.
even now i don't have time, and should be doing something more productive, buuut i've got some word vomit i should probably unleash, ha.

this semester is c r a y z a y. crayzaay. and i know i always say that, but this time its real...

i forget to eat meals because i don't have time.
i stand up for 6 hours straight.
i take at least 200 pictures a day between work and school.
every moment of my day is planned, written down, filed away, and scribbled on.
i've already found myself whining and i've only been here a little over a month.
(and i h a t e when i whine, its very unflattering).

its crazy, thats the only way i can figure out how to say.

B U T.

it is so rich. so full of energy, fulfillment, inspiration and lessons in humility.
i've learned to listen and then act.
to let myself breath and not be put-together at all times both physically and academically.
i've realized how to push through, get things done and do them as well as i can.
i've remembered that God is good. And is good at dealing with me, no matter how ridiculous my life gets.

i've grown up just in these past 6 weeks, and i cant figure out quite yet where to put that in my mind - but i'm getting closer.

p.s.. in my next post i'll letcha see what i've been working on during all these loony & long days.

yum.

"Every desire for good and happiness is for each person a great and insidious love... 

Love is the desire to possess what is good forever." - Plato